Newlyweds are the happiest. You’re finally married to your chosen one. You get to live the rest of your lifetime together. It’s a moment of bliss.
However, people often say that the first year of marriage is hard. And not without reason — the first year is about adjusting to one another. It’s an entirely different process from preparing for the wedding.
You might assume you have nothing to worry about. However, newlyweds often forget that, as individuals, they have expectations of how their married life will look. Sooner rather than later, you find that you have a slight difference, or even a stark contrast, with your spouse, which then triggers conflict.
To successfully pass the early year, newlyweds must quickly find a middle ground. Achieving this will ensure a mutually satisfying marriage in the long run. In this article, you will find common challenges faced by newlyweds and the recommended practices on how to adjust to married life. Embrace these practices to build a strong foundation for a fulfilling and harmonious marriage.
Understanding the dynamics of early marriage
The first two years of marriage are commonly used for marriage adjustment.
This process involves married couples integrating to achieve mutual goals while maintaining their sense of self. Every day, couples interact through sharing, discussions, and maybe even conflicts. Throughout this process, learning what matters to your spouse is essential.
The thing is, early marriage adjustments become tough because of the expectations each spouse brings. It is perfectly normal since each person has their own vision of marriage.
However, when you find your expectations are not met, you might struggle to compromise with each other. Couples might argue about how to save money, who should do the chores, or even when to visit the in-laws.
This is why newlyweds might feel the early years of marriage are full of unforeseen challenges. In addition to keeping your own life organized, you must maintain the new household and work together for the married life you want. If couples continue to struggle to resolve disagreements, they might feel dissatisfied about their marriage.
On the contrary, couples who are successful in achieving a middle ground will strengthen their bonds and become more stable in marriage.
Common challenges in early marriage
Before discussing ways to work together with your spouse, you need to recognize the typical issues that arise in the early years. These issues are usually centered around different areas of marital adjustment, such as family, money, and communication.
Balancing family demands
When you live under one roof, dividing household tasks can be challenging. You may hold expectations on who has to clean the house, wash dishes, prepare meals, and shop for groceries. On top of that, you must consider each other’s work demands and time availability to achieve a satisfying arrangement. If either of you feels an imbalance in responsibilities, it can result in stress.
Another challenge of living together is adjusting to the daily elements. These are the “little things” unknown before marriage, such as brand preference, toilet tissue usage, turning on lights while sleeping, and many more. Seeing each other’s routines, habits, and preferences may come as a shock. If you feel annoyed by those things but choose to stay quiet, small things can turn into sources of frustration.
Financial management conflicts
Newlyweds can feel pressured about managing their finances, as money is now fundamental to their married life. You might plan to get a house or buy a car to sustain your future. However, financial problems in married life are not only about managing expenses, incomes, and savings.
Concerns about each spouse’s contributions, disagreements about priorities, and doubts about whether your spouse is responsible enough to manage the household budget are also common financial problems in married couples.
If couples are unable to determine the most effective financial management for them, they might become dissatisfied with their marriage.
Different communication styles
As newlyweds interact intensely in the early years of marriage, how they communicate is important to how they feel about their marriage.
Negative patterns might arise. Couples might show a demand-withdrawal pattern, in which one spouse nags or demands while the other withdraws from the discussion. Another one is avoidance-withholding, in which couples avoid discussing problems and withdraw from each other after the discussion.
Those negative patterns are focused on letting the problems linger. In addition, one may feel unloved or unsupported by how their spouse communicates things. As there is no mutual discussion and negotiation of solutions, couples might start to feel distressed.
3 ways to achieve successful marriage adjustment
Challenges in the first year of marriage are related to everyday life. They seem ordinary, but they are often unforeseen by the newlyweds. It’s important to learn the proper practices for adjusting to marriage so couples can adjust quickly and successfully. Here are three tips for newly married couples:
Communication is key
Communicate positively and effectively during the interaction with your spouse. Show warmth, support, affection, humor, and attention daily.
When discussing conflicts, focus on resolving problems, offering solutions, and actively listening. Keep the conversation on track.
Positive and effective communication fosters the feeling of being understood, respected, and supported by each other. It creates an environment of healthy communication. Having a safe and healthy place to communicate will help you manage challenges better.
Aligning expectations
Take time to evaluate your expectations first and see whether they reflect the important values you want in marriage. As you start married life, you might see new values and priorities that benefit both you and your spouse. Once set, learn about your spouse’s expectations as well.
Then, you can discuss the line to which both of you can compromise. Divide the discussion between themes such as expectations about chores, finances, or others that are essential for both of you. By knowing each others’ perspectives and compromising, you can achieve mutually satisfying agreements.
Read more: Managing Realistic Expectations in Relationships for Lasting Happiness
Managing conflict
Conflicts happen when there are differences between demands, goals, or practices between two people.
For newlyweds, conflicts can start from adapting to family demands, financial management, and communication patterns. To manage them, focus on solving the differences. Find time where you can talk with your spouse and aim to find solutions that are satisfactory for both you and your spouse.
Read more: Why “Talking It Out” as Conflict Resolution is Bad Advice (And What to Do Instead)
Besides managing the core issue, repairing the emotional distance that arises while in conflict with your spouse is also important.
Try to view conflicts as a collaboration effort in which you can disclose how you truly feel and think. Be compassionate and show understanding of each other’s points of view. These will help you reduce the negative emotions that follow and better resolve the conflict.
In conclusion
Transitioning into married life uncovers new challenges for newlyweds. Newlyweds not only focus on organizing their personal lives but also on maintaining a new household together. As they handle life after marriage, they must learn to discuss and compromise expectations, spanning from daily things to serious responsibilities.
Newlyweds can apply practices such as communicating positively and effectively, aligning expectations, and managing conflicts. Practicing these in early marriage life will help you achieve a middle ground and establish a solid, fulfilling marriage.
If you would like to see more resources on marriage, check out the Family Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Family Science Labs today.
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