You may have already heard quotes about “finding yourself,” like “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself” by George Bernard Shaw or “To find yourself, you must first lose yourself” by Jared Leto. What exactly occurred in your mind when you think about these quotes?
These quotes are everywhere, be it in self-help books, songs, or even movies. But what is it actually about? Does that mean “finding yourself” is a lifelong journey of discovery? Does that mean you haven’t found yourself until you can explore life?
These quotes are not wrong. However, people might see it as a pursuit of a brand new identity, as being a completely new person. If so, you might wonder, does the identity shaped throughout your lifetime matter?
In this article, you will learn that “finding yourself’ is actually about rediscovering yourself. Breaking misconceptions about “finding yourself,” you will learn that it is not about leaving your old identity behind. However, it is about revisiting your old self. So, how exactly do you rediscover yourself by revisiting your old self? Read this article, and you will find out.
Understanding self-concept
To rediscover yourself, first, you need to know your self-concept. What is a self-concept?
Self-concept is a broad term that refers to how individuals perceive themselves. It involves acting in ways that help them become their true selves and make them unique based on their experiences. Self-concept is the accumulation of one’s life experiences and preferred beliefs about oneself. The person notices and understands these actions and experiences, forming their self-concept.
Psychologist Carl Rogers created one of the most well-known models of self-concept, who believed it could be broken down into three primary components: real self, ideal self, and self-esteem.
Real self
Carl Rogers believed that every individual possesses a real self. This real self is connected to an individual’s inner character and true personality. It reflects the aspects of themselves that feel genuine and authentic. Even though it might not be perfect, it represents the part of the individuals that feels the most real.
The real self is important for understanding yourself from the core, especially through self-awareness and self-acceptance. Recognizing and embracing the real self helps develop self-esteem.
Ideal self
The ideal self represents the desires and ambitions a person has to achieve their goals. The concept of the ideal self changes as people grow older. What might seem ideal in childhood may not be the same in teenage years or later in life. This shows that ambitions and goals are highly dynamic.
The ideal self can be a mix of personal aspirations and pressures from the outside world. Recognizing this balance can help you understand yourself better and strive for goals that truly resonate with your authentic self.
Self-esteem
Self-esteem reflects how individuals evaluate their overall worth and value themselves.
In order to have better self-esteem, the real self and the ideal self must be aligned. Carl Rogers referred to this as the importance of congruence in self-concept.
Incongruence manifests as a wide gap between a person’s actual experiences and their ideal expectations. It leads to low self-esteem as individuals struggle to reconcile their authentic selves with external pressures.
In contrast, the congruence state is when the ideal self and the real self are in harmony. When they are both aligned, individuals usually are more accepting of themselves despite external expectations. This fosters a sense of inner peace and allows individuals to pursue goals that resonate with their authentic selves, enhancing their overall sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Read more: Three Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem
Breaking the misconception of “finding yourself”
The notion of “finding yourself” is often mistakenly perceived as a pursuit to become an entirely different person, which is potentially detrimental to one’s self-esteem. This perspective creates unrealistic expectations and puts heavy pressure on individuals to disregard the parts of themselves that have developed over the years.
Let’s shift the perspective of “finding yourself” as a journey of rediscovery, through acknowledging and appreciating the elements of your self-concept that have been cultivated over time. Rather than aiming for radical transformation, try to emphasize understanding and valuing who you already are.
Real self: It already exists, so recognize and value it
Firstly, let’s take a look at your real self. When people talk about “finding yourself,” they inadvertently ignore or undervalue their real selves, as if their identity is still a blank slate waiting to be discovered.
This misconception leads to dissatisfaction with one’s own identity, which makes one perpetually search for something that already exists.
Rather than trying to reinvent yourself, recognizing and valuing the real self leads you to a deeper sense of fulfillment. Acknowledging this aspect of identity is key to developing a positive self-concept.
Ideal self: Pursue goals that resonate with your true values
Second, let’s take a look at your ideal self. When embarking on a journey of “finding yourself,” it is crucial to reflect on your motivations. Are you seeking to become someone who meets your ideals, or are you pursuing a self that gains acceptance from others?
Misaligning your real self with an externally driven ideal leads to constantly feeling inadequate. This is why you must ensure that your goals resonate with your true values.
Self-esteem: Align your real self with your ideal self
Lastly, look at your self-esteem. If you feel you are not enough or lack worth, you might hope that “finding yourself” will magically elevate your self-esteem. However, healthy self-esteem stems from aligning your real self with your ideal self, not by transforming into someone entirely new.
This is why “finding yourself” should be reframed as rediscovering yourself. Rather than striving to become a completely different person, the journey should be about accepting and valuing your real self while pursuing aspirations that genuinely resonate with you.
Practical tips for your rediscovery
Revisiting your old self will help you gain confidence and self-love. This process involves reflecting on past experiences and identifying what you could and could not control. This develops a more balanced perspective on your life and reduces self-blame.
To find yourself again, you can start rediscovery practices, such as reflective journaling, seeking feedback, and mindfulness.
Read more: From Inner Critic to Inner Coach: Overcoming Negative Self-Talk and Unlocking Personal Growth
Reflective journaling
This powerful self-rediscovery tool allows you to explore past experiences, emotions, and values. Self-reflection is crucial because it helps you shape your self-concept.
Reflective journaling provides a structured way to self-reflect, offering a safe space to analyze and evaluate yourself. To understand more about your real self and ideal self, you can start journaling using this prompt:
- What do you like most about your personality? What parts of your personality do you find difficult to accept?
- Share one or two major life events that have played a key role in shaping who you are today.
- Reflect on one or two opinions you once held but have since questioned or changed. What made you reconsider those beliefs?
- Which values do you prioritize the most in life (such as honesty, justice, altruism, loyalty, etc.)? How do your actions reflect these values?
- What three changes could you make to better align your life with your personal values?
Seeking feedback
Seeking feedback from trusted people is an invaluable tool for understanding your strengths and areas for growth.
While it might initially seem counterintuitive, regularly asking for and acting on feedback will enhance your confidence and self-esteem. As you observe your progress and improvements over time, you’ll gain a sense of accomplishment, reinforcing your belief in your ability to adapt and overcome challenges.
Receiving feedback is more difficult than providing it. It requires humility, openness, and a willingness to embrace change. Therefore, here are three essential strategies for making this practice less difficult:
- Listen actively. Try to mindfully focus when your friends, family, partner, or colleagues give feedback without giving responses immediately.
- Ask clarifying questions. When unsure about any part of the feedback, try to clarify politely. This will ensure you fully understand the feedback and show the person providing it that you are genuinely interested in their perspective.
- Reflect and decide on action. Once you’ve received the feedback, take some time to think about it. Assess its accuracy, relevance, and potential benefits, then determine the actions you will take based on the feedback.
Practicing mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness helps you stay present and connect with your true self. By staying grounded in the present, you will access a more balanced state where you can introduce positive practices that enhance your self-awareness and self-esteem.
Mindfulness allows you to create a gap between your thoughts and reactions, helping to break down automatic responses. Here’s how you can practice mindfulness throughout your day:
- Dedicate some time. You don’t need any special equipment like a meditation cushion or bench to practice mindfulness. However, it’s essential to set aside some time and create a space for it.
- Focus on the present moment. The goal of mindfulness isn’t to silence the mind or achieve a state of complete calm. Instead, it’s about paying attention to the present moment while avoiding any thoughts that come and go.
- Be gentle with your mind. Avoid being harsh on yourself when any thoughts come up. Instead, practice recognizing when your mind has drifted and gently redirecting it back to the present moment.
Read more: The Philosophy of Mindful Movement for Mental Health: Examining Pilates and Yoga
In conclusion
Now, you have finally understood that “finding yourself” is more about rediscovering and accepting your authentic self rather than becoming someone entirely new. When you’re in doubt of what you are, always remember that you always have you in you.
Start your journey of self-rediscovery today, and you will be more connected to yourself. Hold your head up high, loving yourself for who you are.
If you would like to see more resources on self-concept, check out the Happiness Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Happiness Science Labs today.
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