Kerrie Lumbewe: Reducing Lingering Stress from Relationship History | Reloscope #53

In this episode, host Marie Stella is joined by Kerrie Lumbewe, a fully registered psychologist and member of the Psychology Board of Australia

Are you ready to delve into practical approaches for couples to navigate and heal from past conflicts? Whether you’re experiencing frequent conflicts with your partner or simply seeking insight on fostering a healthier relationship dynamic, tune in for invaluable advice! 

Meet Kerrie Lumbewe

Kerrie is the Director of Motivating Marriages Psychology and Motivating Minds Psychological Practice, which she established with her husband and business partner, Psychologist Adrian Lumbewe. She works exclusively with couples and offers a boutique-style intensive couples therapy approach.

Informed by extensive training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy and Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy, Kerrie’s therapy approach supports couples in healing from their past emotional injuries and re-establishing deep emotional intimacy and connection. Through this process, couples learn and experience new and effective ways to manage their inevitable conflicts, resulting in them building the emotionally secure relationship that all people deeply long for.

Kerrie enjoys various activities in her free time: reading psychology texts, writing, pondering life and love, decorating cakes, and indulging in outdoor pursuits like fishing and kayaking. She also challenges herself by holidaying off-grid at her rural property.

About the episode

In this episode of Reloscope, Kerrie Lumbewe explores how couples’ responsiveness, perception of communication signals, and persistent defensiveness may signify lingering emotional scars from prior relationship experiences. She recommends that couples pinpoint these “pain points” by reflecting on their relationship history. Upon recognition, couples can address emotional hurdles and strive for empathy and comprehension to resolve past conflicts effectively.

Kerrie explains that therapy isn’t about placing blame or pointing fingers—it’s about developing a deeper understanding of each partner’s role in their relationship challenges. She stresses the importance of considering individual vulnerabilities and past experiences when discussing relationship histories. 

She emphasizes that couples should not perceive challenges as obstacles to avoid but rather as chances to strengthen their bond by confronting them. She urges the couples she assists to welcome these tough discussions and leverage them to cultivate deeper intimacy and connection.

Kerrie discusses the importance of recognizing and openly communicating about the stress that can come up in a relationship, especially when dealing with past relationship baggage. She points out that a big part of that is respecting that partners might have different communication styles or paces when it comes to opening up about those sensitive topics. The key, according to Kerrie, is finding a mutual understanding. 

In conclusion

In this episode, Kerrie elucidates how cultivating robust relationships necessitates empathy, effective communication, and proactive involvement. She underscores the importance of comprehending each partner’s unique vulnerabilities and previous encounters. According to Kerrie, genuine transformation occurs when couples exhibit a willingness to be vulnerable, engage in open communication, and treat each other with mutual respect. This can culminate in a profound level of resilience and enduring affection.

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