In this podcast, Pauline shares a wealth of knowledge from her experience as a sex educator. She recognizes how different factors can influence intimacy and discusses practical relationship habits and communication techniques. If you or your partner ever want to strengthen what you have, definitely give this a listen.
Meet Pauline Ryeland
Pauline Ryeland is an Intimacy, Sex & Libido Coach and Educator. She has several certifications that allow her to take a holistic approach, including being a Somatic Sexological Body Worker, Tantra Teacher & Facilitator, Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and a Havening Techniques™ Trauma Specialist.
Pauline works with both women and men on various sexual and intimacy-related challenges. For women, she helps with low libido, difficulty orgasm, and painful sex. For men, she assists with erectile dysfunction, Peyronie’s disease, prostate issues, and sexual trauma/anxiety.
Pauline recently published a book called “Empowered Conscious Sexuality” and works as a Transformational Coach and Leader. As the “Intimacy Whisperer®”, she is dedicated to supporting individuals and couples on their journeys toward greater fulfillment and pleasure in their sex lives.
About the episode
Pauline explains that physical intimacy is so much more than sex – it’s those little everyday touches like holding hands, hugs, and kisses that truly bring partners closer emotionally. Without meaningful touch outside of just sex, the relationship can feel cold.
Touching each other creates a strong bond that deepens the way people feel on the inside. Having their physical needs met through daily affection makes partners feel loved, and like they’ve got each other’s backs. But she says the personal stuff people have been through, whether trauma or constant stress, can really zap their ability to connect that way. External factors like upbringing or past abusive relationships can also condition someone to keep physical distance.
Pauline recommends a “hello hug” practice for greeting partners. It involves a full-body hug, holding each other’s backs, closing eyes, and taking three deep breaths together to connect emotionally. This helps communicate from the heart rather than just the head.
Pauline says that chatting with your partner about intimacy issues by focusing on how certain things make you feel inside rather than accusatory “you did this” type statements. Reassuring your love and care for them can help prevent them from clamming up from feeling attacked.
Here are some tips Pauline shares on how couples can work to establish physical intimacy:
- Start with non-sexual touches. Start with non-sexual touches, like holding hands, hugs, light caresses, etc., to build comfort levels and reconnect physically in low-pressure ways.
- Connect your body. Connect to yourself through body awareness exercises to get out of your head and into a relaxed, grounded state. This includes techniques like deep breathing.
- Address issues. Address any underlying issues affecting libido, arousal or trauma responses through therapy modalities like NLP, havening, etc. to resolve emotional blocks.
- Give affirmation. Affirm your partner verbally and through acts of service in their love language to make them feel loved and secure in the relationship.
- Be patient. Rushing intimacy could backfire, so take the time to rebuild comfort and trust at your own pace through non-sexual intimacy first.
In conclusion
In this podcast, Pauline talks about her views on how closeness goes way beyond sex—those little thoughtful touches and acts of caring mean everything for strengthening the bond between two people. She encourages tackling intimacy issues by focusing on feelings, not blame, in calm discussions. But most of all, she wants people to know this stuff is normal, and there’s always support for working it out compassionately as a pair.
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