Have you ever wondered why some couples instantly click in a relationship, while others constantly clash? Often, this isn’t due to the amount of love or effort put into the relationship, but rather to the values they bring from their families.
The way you were raised shapes the values you carry and how you interact with others, including in relationships. Therefore, when your values align with those of your partner, romantic relationships tend to thrive. Conversely, when you have incompatible values, this increases the possibility of conflict or problems in the relationship.
Now, take a look at your relationship. Do you feel comfortable, or do you often argue or fight with your S.O., even for simple things? Could this be due to the influence of inherited values?
Thus, this article will discuss how good family values can influence romantic relationships and how to manage them effectively. So, you can see how family values affect your relationships, and you can learn to manage them so that you can form lasting bonds.
What are family values, and why do they matter for your relationship now?
Family values refer to the beliefs, principles, or behaviors that exist and are practiced within a family, shaping the principles and behavior of family members. It also defines family members, with distinct roles and responsibilities that differ from those of others.
Family values shape how you ultimately behave, think, make decisions, and so on. This applies not only within the family but also in your social interactions with others. For example, when you come from a family that talks loudly to each other, you tend to do the same when interacting with others.
According to a study published in the Journal of Business Ethics, values such as respect for others, honesty, love, unity, and kindness are often instilled in families and guide individual behavior. When individuals possess these positive family values, they are more likely to have healthy relationships with others, including romantic ones.
This is because these values can form a strong foundation for romantic relationships. So, when two parties share positive values of honesty, respect, or empathy, a healthy relationship is more likely to form, as both parties are more likely to be honest and treat each other with respect. This fosters a healthy romantic relationship.
Additionally, these values also play a crucial role in shaping expectations within a relationship.
Read more: Resolving Conflicts by Finding and Embracing Shared Values
How good family values shape relationship expectations
Try to imagine what your childhood was like with your parents. Consider how your parents engaged you in discussions and debates, how they communicated with you, and so on.
Now, look at yourself. Are there any similarities in your behavior now to how your parents behaved in your family? If so, then those are values you’ve carried from your family to this day.
According to a study published in the Heliyon Journal, families teach children from an early age how to behave, drawing on the experiences of their family members, including those of their ancestors. This is what drives the formation of values in individuals.
Through various childhood experiences, they ultimately shape how an individual behaves, thinks, resolves conflicts, and forms intimacy with others. This is carried into adulthood and is applied in their relationships with others.
For example, when you have parents who fight and experience problems, it can be challenging. This will likely influence your behavior as an adult.
When your parents are able to resolve issues peacefully and calmly, you’re more likely to act in that way as an adult, because that’s what you learned. Conversely, when your parents choose to avoid problems or don’t resolve them effectively, this tends to cause you to do the same as an adult. You observe your parents’ relationship, and it influences how you act.
Read more: Traversing Cultural Expectations: Balancing Family Values and Individual Readiness for Marriage
When values clash: navigating differences in relationships
As mentioned previously, differences in family values can have an impact on romantic relationships. How do your family values impact your relationships?
When the values of an individual and their partner differ, this can lead to discomfort, dissatisfaction, and in some cases, even tension.
For example, when someone is loyal and devoted to their partner, but their partner is more focused on themselves and achieving various desires, this can cause the devoted partner to be dissatisfied. If left unaddressed, this can lead to relationship problems, negatively impacting the relationship.
Therefore, you need to understand the values embodied in your respective families and understand the differences between them.
By understanding this, both parties can strive to better understand each other’s perspectives, given their differing values. Strive to establish shared values within the relationship, based on the values you share.
How to navigate different family values
Couples with differing values tend to experience difficulties in their relationships, as they are more likely to face conflict. But your relationship is not doomed – there are a couple of things you can do. The following sections will discuss some practices.
Identifying your family’s core values
This is essential to addressing value differences between you and your partner. By understanding the values practiced in your family, you can understand how those values are conveyed and applied in your relationships, thereby minimizing problems resulting from value differences.
To identify your family’s values, it is helpful to have a structured conversation. Follow these tips:
- Prepare properly. Prepare paper and writing materials. You also need to set aside at least 30 minutes, a quiet place, and any other necessary items.
- Write down your family memories. You need to write down various things you remember about your family, such as activities you frequently do together, how family members respond to specific situations, how family members behave towards each other, and other things.
- Talk about what each of you wrote. Discuss each item written down and see how your actions or behaviors align with those of your family. These are likely values that exist within the family and are carried and applied in your daily life, including in romantic relationships.
Discussing values openly early in the relationship
To minimize the possibility of relationship problems arising from differing values, you and your partner need to discuss this, even from the early stages of the relationship. By understanding each other’s values, both of you can more easily accept the differences, thus helping the relationship continue.
Discussing values is a complex yet important topic in a relationship, so it’s essential to focus on this discussion. Here are some tips:
- Set a dedicated time. You need to set aside dedicated time for the discussion so both parties can prepare and clear their schedules.
- Discuss the values implemented in each family. You and your partner need to discuss the values in each family, and both parties should discuss how these values are implemented and applied to each other.
- Respond to values. After communicating their values, both parties need to discuss how they can respond to each other’s values, whether they can compromise, and find the best solution.
Building shared values as a couple
Despite differences in values, you and your partner can work together to develop your values within the relationship.
These principles can be formed through mutual agreements, and if implemented routinely and effectively, new values will emerge within the relationship. Thus, couples in a relationship can create a strong foundation based on the shared values established within the relationship.
You’ve already started to build shared values in your relationship — there are several things you and your partner need to do, including:
- Setting goals. Shared values can be formed when you and your partner have goals you want to achieve, whether they are the same or different. So, by setting goals, you and your partner can form new values that can help you achieve those goals.
- Establishing rituals or traditions in your relationship. One way to establish new values in your romantic relationship is by establishing rituals. This will enable you and your partner to gain a deeper understanding of your relationship, helping you develop values within it.
- Doing activities together. You and your partner need to try doing activities together. Through the shared experiences, you can further develop values in your relationship, which will encourage growth and enhance your connection.
By doing these things, you and your partner can work toward building shared values in your romantic relationship.
In conclusion
An ideal romantic relationship isn’t just built on strong love, but also on the values you inherit from your family.
When you and your partner have aligned values, you’ll naturally feel happy, like the luckiest couple in the world. Conversely, when there are differences in values, you might even regret being in the relationship.
Therefore, you and your partner need to understand each other’s values and try to compromise when you feel there are differences. Through compromise, you and your partner can define your own values within the relationship, thus creating a satisfying, supportive, strong, and lasting romantic relationship.
You need to start discussing the values you hold with your partner, so that you can form new values for your relationship and create a strong, lasting romantic bond.
If you want to see more resources on the family, check out the Relationship Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Relationship Science Labs today.
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