It is difficult to be separated from a spouse who has been a part of your life for years or decades. For some, it may seem like a bad dream without an end in sight. Others may feel like being in mourning.
However, accepting your reality is the first step toward creating a new life for yourself. Never hold grudges or blame yourself for a bad relationship. All that matters is that you gave it your all. Rebuilding quality of life also can be a difficult part when coming into the effect of separation.
It is normal to feel lonely, less attractive, and fearful of trying to find a new partner after a divorce (Lam, 2022). First and foremost, try to accept the feeling of loneliness; learn to see the advantages of being alone, and then go out and enjoy your social circles (Lam, 2022). You may eventually feel free to enter new relationships to avoid loneliness, but it is preferable if you first see yourself as single and adopt the appropriate lifestyle (Lam, 2022). Here are some research-based suggestions to help you face life after separation or divorce:
Try to stay calm and carry on (Balbi & Company, 2021)
Experiencing a separation can be stressful. However, it doesn’t mean the end. Take a deep breath and look after yourself. This can be a difficult emotional period so it is critical to look after your own mental and physical health. You are not expected to have all the answers on the first day. First and foremost, taking care of yourself is an essential part of the separation and divorce process. Look ahead and look for healthy ways to reduce stress. Obtaining legal information and advice can help alleviate the stress of uncertainty.
Learn to be more self-compassionate (Kovanen, n.d)
It is easy to be critical of yourself when under stress. Learn to be compassionate to yourself by being your own encouraging friend, accepting that some suffering is a natural part of being human, being aware of your feelings, and being mindful of them. Think about what you can say to yourself if you are facing hard times, especially after the separation. Do not let yourself be overly self-critical.
Reconnect with yourself (Kovanen, n.d)
You may feel bereft when the relationship ends. However, when you are in a relationship, it is easy to lose parts of yourself, and now is the time to rediscover who you are. You can try to participate in activities that you used to enjoy but may have stopped doing. Try to discover new interests to pursue, spend time with yourself, pay close attention to your feelings and desires, and resist the temptation to be so busy that you become exhausted and don’t have time to process your emotions.
Reach out for help from your support systems (Kovanen, n.d)
Don’t be embarrassed to seek support and assistance from friends, family, or a therapist. Resist the urge to throw yourself into another relationship just to find a bandage for your wounds. Relationships that rebound rarely last. If you meet someone who is completely incompatible and takes advantage of your vulnerable position, you may end up confused and even more hurt.
Understand that you’re not a failure (Lam, 2022)
If you interpret your separation as a sign of failure, inability, or worthlessness, be aware that this is rarely true. In most cases, both partners bear some of the blame for a marriage’s demise. Even if one party bears the lion’s share of the blame for the relationship’s failure, this does not necessarily imply that the other party is incapable or unworthy of a healthy relationship based on love, respect, communication, and collaboration. When looking for new sources of emotional support and positive self-worth, look for situations where you are likely to find joy. You should reward yourself when you accomplish something.
Let go and don’t let your past occupy your future (Separ8, n.d)
It is very common for people to develop trust issues after a relationship ends, and this can have a serious impact on behavior. While approaching any potential new relationship with caution is prudent, especially in the age of internet dating, do not let what you have experienced in the past sabotage a new relationship.
Betrayal, in particular, is a difficult experience to recover from, so while your past experiences will undoubtedly shape you, use that wisdom to your advantage without becoming a guarded cynic.
In conclusion
If you are going through a divorce or separation stage, do not give up. Even if it appears that your world is collapsing around you, you will get through this period of time. You can even use it as a fresh start if you have some resilience and perseverance. Separation is not a failure. Appreciate your first brave steps toward a healthier and happier life ahead.
There is a lot to be said for having a positive mental attitude, and while a divorce is a difficult process to go through, with the right attitude, you will get through it, heal, and find happiness again.
If you would like to peruse more resources on separation, the Relationships Science Labs produces courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and more learning tools on the subject. These resources are based on the research of the Institute for Life Management Science. Visit Relationships Science Labs today.
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