Research suggests that the importance of sibling relationships fluctuates over the lifespan, with older adults being very advantaged, especially in terms of promoting well-being and combating loneliness. The existence of siblings is also beneficial in supporting socioemotional adjustments and self-esteem during teenage years and transitioning to roles and responsibilities in more complex contexts during early adulthood. For individuals with disabilities, siblings can provide caregiving support.

One of the characteristics of a sibling relationship that distinguishes it from other family ties is the combination of hierarchical and egalitarian interactions. Unlike unequal power relations between parents and children, sibling relationships may show both inequality (due to gaps in age and individual development) and reciprocity and sharing, as seen in peer relationships. This makes the sibling dyad dynamics more interesting as power relations are rather relative and affected by various factors, such as gender composition in the dyad and parental favoritism. 

Sibling relationships in adulthood can become even trickier. You may have certain expectations of how the other person and the relationship should be, as you have been in each other’s lives for so long. This, in fact, may lead to conflicts and even estrangement because they feel like they are not understood or respected as a grown-up. To ensure that you can maintain and improve the ties with your siblings, there are several ways to navigate sibling relationships as adults.

Reevaluate sibling relationships

A sibling relationship is not constant over the years. It is expected to change along with the individual transition points, such as entering college and getting married, or life events like parental separation and death. 

You may observe a shift in interaction frequency with your siblings as you enter adulthood. Early literature suggests that siblings interact less often in early adulthood than in earlier years, continue the same frequency throughout middle adulthood, and increase their interaction in late adulthood. The same patterns may be seen in closeness and sibling rivalry.

Besides being open to changes in interactions, it is also important to recognize that your view of your siblings since childhood may need to change as you grow up, interact with more people, and experience life in general. As they enter adulthood, siblings need to reevaluate their relationships in a way that will balance each other’s independence and closeness. The key is in the relationship quality, which should remain positive, supportive, and respectful, regardless of the interaction frequency. 

Set healthy boundaries

One of the important steps for healthy adult sibling relationships is to have healthy boundaries. Sibling relationships in adulthood cannot remain the same as in childhood. Whether you feel your sibling is the same or a different person you grew up with, you need to align expectations with each other. This is where boundaries come into play in realizing healthy adult sibling relationships where siblings can still keep their closeness without invading each other’s privacy as adults, as opposed to codependent or toxic relationships. 

Boundaries should be communicated clearly and specifically and accompanied by consequences, which are not necessarily punishment for stepping out of line but reinforcement to maintain the positivity in your relationships.

Boundaries in adult sibling relationships may involve treating each other’s belongings and spaces, respecting each other’s principles and beliefs, and respecting each other’s time with other people (friends, partners, children). It can also come in the form of topics that you discuss with your siblings. A study found that adult siblings have taboo topics, such as intimacy, finances, and politics. In line with this finding, Stand Alone survey reveals a clash of values as one of the reasons for sibling estrangement. 

As siblings recognize their differences, such topics are avoided to keep the conversation and their relationship positive. Even further, it keeps them from taking extreme measures such as cutting off contact. This serves as a boundary that allows you to keep personal matters to yourself and avoid things that will make your sibling uncomfortable or strain your relationships. No matter how it looks, the boundary should cherish your individual differences and the important things you share as siblings.

Stay in touch

Sibling relationships in adulthood oftentimes mean long-distance relationships. As you grow apart physically, you may see your emotional closeness being affected as well. 

Studies found both positive and negative impacts of physical distance on sibling relationships. In some cases, it makes it difficult to maintain contact. In other cases, living apart reduces conflicts and strengthens bonds between siblings and appreciation of their interactions. Even though it is expected not to stay in touch as often with siblings as adults, it does not define every sibling relationship; there are always ways to do it differently and stay connected.

Making time to talk over the phone or meet up for dinner can be on top of everyone’s list, so you can stay in touch despite physical distance, competing demands, and other responsibilities. Following each other on social media, doing the same hobby, sharing exciting news, and sending congratulations messages are more ways to keep the relationship going. 

For siblings who are uncomfortable around each other due to past events or resentments, you may need to assess to what extent you can tolerate being in contact with each other and always be open to the idea of reconciliation. 

Regular contact is also necessary as it allows siblings to exchange support more. Even though siblings may not always provide as high a support as friends, their support is dismissible. This is because, despite living further away, emotional support between siblings increases, which is not found in support between friends. This again highlights the lifelong bond between siblings, which in many cases can’t be on par with friendships.

In conclusion

For some people, siblings are the first playmate they get to recognize and have fights with. For others, siblings can be lifetime friends they have taken for granted. Regardless, people may reap benefits from nurturing and maintaining positive relationships with siblings throughout their life. It is important to look back on sibling relationships as you grow older and find the balance that will allow you to stay in each other’s lives and support each other until the end.

If you would like to learn more about tending to siblings relationships, visit the Family Science Labs. The lab produces courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other learning materials based on research done by the Institute for Life Management Science. Check out the Family Science Labs today.

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Rather than accidental, family estrangement is intentional. It does not happen because family members are physically distant and lose contact with one another. It takes a long negative relationship until someone intentionally decides to distance themselves from their family. It may seem like an outcome of a perceived destructive relationship. 

However, in most cases, family estrangement is a process occurring in a continuum, meaning that it can take different forms. Some are physically estranged, and others are in emotional estrangement. Some are continuously estranged, and others may show on/off patterns. 

The stigma around family estrangement

The common societal view on family relationships emphasizes how people are obliged to their families. Family relationships should be involuntary and inherently positive. Consequently, those who do not follow this standard are bound to violate social norms and be stigmatized. A survey found that 68% of estranged people reported a stigma surrounding estrangement. They reported experiencing blame, judgment, dismissal, and avoidance from other people. 

The survey revealed that, besides contradicting the expectations of family relationships, estranged people are stigmatized because other people think it is their fault and that there must be something wrong with them that leads to estrangement. They are advised to reconcile or to believe that the estrangement is temporary, which captures a lack of understanding of their experience and emotional challenges due to estrangement. These stigmas reinforce estrangement as a silent issue as people bottle up their struggles with coping with family estrangement.

The meaning of normalizing estrangement

Most people fail to understand that estrangement does not just happen out of rage. Family estrangement stems from a long period of emotional disconnection, repeated hurts, and grievances. A single conflict may simply act as a trigger that leads to an individual’s decision to separate. But in most cases, people mentioned experiencing multiple forms of abuse, neglect, parental alienation after separation or divorce, conflicting personalities, in-laws issues, clashes in value systems and expectations, and mental health problems as the causes of the estrangement. 

Those factors show another perspective of family relationships, which are not without flaws and can even be harmful, unlike common belief. Normalizing family estrangement means shifting the view on family relationships from involuntary to voluntary. This enables individuals to see different relational alternatives besides maintaining a toxic relationship and staying in misery. 

Normalizing family estrangement becomes important as it allows people to be honest about being estranged from family members and seek the support they need without fear of being stigmatized.

Establishing distance and boundaries with family members who cause feelings of emotional distress is particularly beneficial for an individual’s emotional and/or physical safety. For some individuals, it can be the only way to escape a toxic environment, heal from their wounds, and achieve happiness. 

Around 80% of estranged adults reported positive outcomes from estrangements, such as greater feelings of freedom, independence, and gaining new insight and understanding of their family life from an outside perspective. Only after leaving the relationship did they learn that they had been stuck in patterns of negative behavior or a state of learned helplessness.

Ways to normalize estrangement

Several ways may help normalize family estrangement and promote a new perspective of family relationships, despite their involuntary nature. The key is to start with yourself by putting in efforts, no matter how small. If you are estranged from a family member, these are a few ways to help you go through it with new perspectives:

• Take responsibility for your own life and do not feel obliged to fix your family or stay in relationships that risk your well-being. 
• Put yourself first, and do not feel guilty for doing it or refusing your family members’ requests. Doing so does not equate to selfishness, especially if other people’s expectations can harm your feelings and make you sacrifice your needs. 
• Look for other options from hurtful family relationships, such as setting boundaries with toxic family members or completely cutting off contact with them. 
• Share your struggles with family estrangement with people you trust and/or professionals who can offer a safe space to open up about your struggles and provide non-judgemental advice. 
• Understand that everyone deserves love and protection, even if it means cutting off contact with family members. Growing up in a dysfunctional family does not make anyone less worthy of love. 

If you know someone who is being estranged from their family, consider these ways of supporting them: 

• Respect their decision. You will never know how their family relationships are and what they have gone through. So, assume they have good reasons to be estranged from their family. 
• Offer a listening ear or suggest getting professional help to cope with the challenges.  
• Do not advise them to reconcile.
• Remember them during holidays and consider inviting them over to celebrate together. 

In conclusion

Estrangement may not be for everyone with destructive family relationships. But, anyone with such relationships has the full right to quit and separate from their source of distress, including their own family. Family may be the beginning of most individuals’ lives, but for some people, it is not the safest place to grow and thrive. 

By normalizing estrangement as an alternative to hurtful family relationships, you do not devalue family ties yet offer another way of seeing it; not as a relationship that is taken for granted and provides no choices for the members, but as one that is intentionally built to offer a safe, positive environment for all members.

If you would like to learn more about dealing with family estrangement, the Life Management Science Labs’ (LMSL) Family Science Labs features resources based on the research of the Institute for Life Management Science. There are courses and certifications also available for those interested in taking a more in-depth approach. Visit the Family Science Labs today.

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Apart from the often romanticized aspect of it, marriage also requires couples to be ready in different aspects such as the physical, financial, and legalities that come with it. This is especially important as a married couple would have to face several ups and downs in the span of their life together that they would have to face as a team. If you’re one of the many lucky soon-to-be-married individuals, you might get lost in the excitement and preparation for the ceremony, but there are several things that you should include on your getting-married checklist.

Prenuptial agreement

A prenuptial agreement or a prenup is a legal contract created by the couple before marriage. It includes a full disclosure of assets that the couple owns individually as well as provisions for any existing or yet-to-be-born child they have. Some benefits of making a prenup include clarifying financial rights during marriage, enabling the person to pass separate property to children from prior marriages, and avoiding arguments in case of divorce. In addition, this enables you and your partner to get into a financial conversation which can benefit your relationships in the long run.

There are several things to consider when creating a prenup. First, the agreement can be created at least 28-30 days before marriage, however, another opinion from a financial expert, Suze Orman, suggests taking at least six months to draw up and sign a prenup. Second, even though a prenup should be signed by both parties with the presence of a witness or notary, the couple may draft it on their own. However, getting legal help is always recommended. Finally, and most importantly, the couple should have a fair prenup that will respectfully protect the assets of both parties.

Premarital health screening

One of the vows made during the wedding ceremony is for the couple to take care of each other “in sickness or in health”, and it won’t hurt to start as early as possible. Premarital health screening is crucial, especially for couples who are looking to have children in the future, to detect any health problems and risks. It is essential for couples to understand each other’s physicalities so they can help each other in taking necessary precautions or treatments.

Having a health screening is also one of the most important strategies for avoiding or lowering the possibility of genetic disorders and hereditary diseases in offspring, as well as other medical or psychosocial problems that might affect the marriage. You can take premarital health counseling before doing the health screening to get information about what tests to take, or afterward to help understand the results. By knowing if and what kind of medical illness you or your partner may have, you can mitigate it by immediately getting the necessary treatment.

Besides the health benefits, premarital health screening is proven to be beneficial for relationships. By going through the process of discussing the results with your significant other, you can get to know each other better. This leads to you and your partner having improvement of interpersonal skills that can improve the quality of the relationship while decreasing poor communication that may cause later marital problems. This will also benefit the quality of your future family in the long run.

However, despite its potential benefits, premarital screening is still stigmatized in some countries and cultures, hindering couples from taking it. The view is related to the religious and moral objections against pregnancy termination and marriage cancellation following the premarital health screening results. In cases where either one of the couple or both are a carrier of certain diseases or have genetic disorders, this may lead to high-risk pregnancies and birthing problems, which can be grounds to discontinue the marriage. Some fear that these consequences interfere with the will of the divine and lead to social stigma from the community, while in fact, this procedure is a necessary preventive measure to build a healthy community.

Premarital education program and counseling

Premarital education and premarital counseling are two separate programs that can help couples set realistic expectations of their marriage. These may also include couples therapy to help address important issues such as finances and children and assure that they are on the same page. Apart from the difference in how the sessions are conducted, with counseling being a private session while education is being done with a group, there is also a difference in content. Premarital education is a skill-building program that contributes to long-term divorce prevention and marriage success. Meanwhile, premarital counseling is a procedure that aims to equip couples with information on how they could advance their relationship once they are legally married.

To date, premarital education or counseling is encouraged but not compulsory in many countries and/or required only for certain couples. However, research has documented the advantages of such programs. Couples who attended premarital counseling were more satisfied with their marriages than those who did not attend similar sessions. Research on Premarital Preparation and Relationship Enhancement (PREPARE) also found that engaged couples who participated in the program showed positive gains in knowledge, felt more confident and satisfied with their relationship, and had better conflict management skills.

In conclusion

Contemporary marriages face increasingly complex challenges with today’s social changes and shifting values such as the acknowledgment of the capabilities of women in the workforce and the awareness of different communities. The bonds of marriage are also now expected to fulfill the high-level needs of a person more than it was decades ago, such as an individual’s self-esteem and actualization. This, consequently, requires both spouses to invest more in their relationships and make more intentional efforts to build a marriage that lasts for a lifetime.  Investing time to make a prenup, getting a health screening, and attending marriage counseling are just a few of the many ways that can help you and your partner build a better foundation for a more fulfilling marriage.

For more marriage-related content, the Life Management Science Labs’ (LMSL) Family Science Labs features science-backed resources on the subject. Using the research of the Institute for Life Management Science, the lab produces courses, certifications, videos, and other tools in the field of marriage. Find out more and visit Family Science Labs today.

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Going through a divorce can be exhausting physically, emotionally, and financially. Without a proper understanding of how to navigate the process, it can easily take a toll on your physical and mental health, and even further on your family life. Similarly, post-divorce life can be as difficult or even more challenging as you and the rest of your family members need to adjust to the changes, acquire balance, and claim your happiness despite the crack in the family structure.

Post-divorce happiness in family

Even though the above-mentioned consequences and risks of divorce are inevitable, divorce is not purely a negative event. There are always silver linings in every event including divorce, and recovering happiness and satisfaction is more than possible. This is especially true if you were in a dysfunctional marriage where every conversation would end up in arguments and everyone in the relationship was in a constant state of being hurt physically and/or mentally.

If one is going through endless tension, stress, and dissatisfaction in relationships, ending it could be a turning point to getting in better shape in various ways. Research suggests that even though divorce is indeed traumatic in the short run, divorced individuals showed improved stress and enhanced autonomy and personal growth, especially for divorced women, compared to their married counterparts.

Furthermore, divorce can also serve as an opportunity to rebuild relationships. The idea of being alone and stigma from society might be frightening at first but the split may give you and your ex-partner some moment to reassess and develop a different approach to the relationship.

For example, in a study, children of divorce reported that they were exposed to less conflict between parents daily and have an improved relationship with their mother and father and a closer relationship with siblings. Even though these findings might seem expected given that they are physically separated, their consequences on a child’s outcome cannot be overlooked, especially in cases of a high-conflict marriage.

Five ways to a happy family post-divorce

Here are some ways to help you rebuild your family life and find happiness again after a divorce.

Maintain open communication

Communication with your former partner is essential to maintaining a healthy family dynamic. This could be done only after you and your ex-partner come to terms with the separation and the degree of contact you can tolerate. Open, child-focused communication is a foundation of successful co-parenting that ensures that children remain loved, supported, and have good relationships with both parents. One strategy to maintain regular communication, especially between non-custodial parents and children is to use technology. Also, in some cases, non-face-to-face communication can be more comfortable for divorced parents with fear of engaging in unwanted conversations and conflicts.

Plan co-parenting

As divorced parents redefine their parental roles, they need to focus on co-parenting and maintaining parent-child relationships. This is especially important to buffer the negative effects of divorce on children’s outcomes. Some important things to note regarding co-parenting include establishing clear boundaries between households and clarifying parenting schedules, rules, and other functional logistics, aiming for consistency between two homes to avoid confusion for the child, having one-on-one time for each child (without siblings) with each parent, and utilizing co-parenting apps and software to help divorced parents with scheduling and communication.

Navigate your life financially

Finance is one of the many aspects that are taxing and challenging both during and after the divorce process. In some cases, the financial impact of divorce can last for years until old age. As you are done with the legal process, it is time to manage your household finance, especially if you moved from double to single income. Some financial aspects you need to handle to ensure your financial life after the divorce include keeping track of income and expenses and making adjustments as needed, sorting out joint accounts and health insurance coverage, and making sure that your children are covered in the new policy.

Be open to a new relationship when emotionally ready

There is no single rule to tell when or even whether or not you should start a new relationship after a divorce. A new relationship may spark joy in your life again and fill the missing space in your family. However, to make it work, you should wait until you are emotionally ready to be in a romantic relationship again. Do your homework by reflecting on your past relationships and know what you need from the new one as well as what you should do differently. This topic should also be a part of the conversations with children. Most importantly, you should not rely on the new relationship as your only source of happiness or for the sake of having an intact family.

Seek help

As divorce may bring changes to your family life to some degree, they often require adjustments that you cannot always sort out by yourself. The best solution to find the balance is to get support from other people including family members, friends, or professionals. By reaching out for help, for example, with advice, mental struggles, or even babysitting, you have done yourself and your family a favor that can promote your family dynamics.

In conclusion

Finding back happiness after a divorce is not an easy task. It requires everyone’s effort in the family to intentionally work things out together, rebound from the loss, and rebuild their family life. As things will be different during the post-divorce phase, you may want to look at it as the opportunity to lead a better life and reform new family dynamics that are more peaceful and fulfilling for everyone.

If you would like to see more science-based content about divorce, Life Management Science Labs’ (LMSL) Family Science Labs provides courses, certifications, podcasts, and other learning materials on the subject. Using the research of the Institute for Life Management Science, LMSL aims to help families worldwide transcend challenges such as divorce. Visit the Family Science Labs today.

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