Frustrating, right? But you’re not alone. Many parents and caregivers face the challenge of helping children navigate their big emotions. That’s why it’s essential to teach emotional regulation to children, for it’s a fundamental life skill. Developing this will help your children navigate the world by balancing these big feelings and managing complex social interactions. 

Regulating emotions in children is a complex and essential skill that takes time and guidance to develop. But worry not! This article will explore the “whys” and “hows” of emotion regulation in child development. The sections below will discuss knowledge and strategies that will guide your child toward emotional mastery. Read on to find out more.

Defining emotion regulation in child development

According to the American Psychological Association, self-regulation refers to the ability to control one’s behavior, and emotional regulation is a big part of it. It includes an individual’s capacity to control or adjust a specific emotion. Emotional regulation helps your child with the ability to understand their feelings, respond healthily, and adapt to different situations.

A study done on emotion regulation and cognitive and social functioning in early development has shown that children who learn to manage their emotions can handle stress, build healthy relationships, and thrive academically. The child’s ability to manage these emotions changes drastically as they grow. Here’s a rough outline of their development.

Infancy (0-1 years)

Little ones communicate mainly through cries and fussiness, driven by basic needs and comfort. They can self-soothe by sucking and responding to distress. By six months, they begin experiencing joy and fear, and some studies show playing songs can even calm fussy babies!

Toddlerhood (2-3 years)

In this phase, emotions become more intricate, with fear taking center stage from infancy to toddlerhood. You can help your child by teaching them how to name emotions and encouraging expressions to manage fear. By age two, toddlers employ strategies like distancing from upsetting situations. Research shows toddlers improve in choosing appropriate coping mechanisms for various stressful situations and adapting to their surroundings as they grow older.

Childhood (3- 12 years)

In this period of emotional regulation in childhood, children learn to differentiate appropriate emotional expressions but might struggle to communicate them effectively. Your role here is to validate their feelings, build an “emotion vocabulary,” and model healthy coping mechanisms, fostering their self-regulation in childhood.

Long-term implications for mental health

Uncontrolled emotions create a ripple effect that impacts a child’s life in many ways. For starters, constant tantrums will strain you and your child’s bond, creating a tense atmosphere at home. This can also contribute to parental burnout. 

Read more: Parental Burnout: What It Is and How to Avoid It 

The child’s struggles also make it harder to make and keep friends, leading to feelings of isolation and withdrawal. Additionally, fostering emotional regulation for parents is also equally essential for creating a supportive environment for children to thrive emotionally and academically.

Mastering emotional regulation skills in childhood is a long-term investment that will continue to help throughout their life. Children who can manage their emotions can bounce back from challenges more easily. Conversely, studies have shown that poor emotion regulation can impact mental health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction. It is crucial to recognize and nurture these skills early on. 

Poor emotional regulation can put your child at risk of developing behavioral disorders, increasing their vulnerability to future mental health issues. Struggling with self-regulation for parents and children can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and difficulties in forming healthy connections. On the other hand, having healthy emotion regulation provides the child with the tools to cope with challenges, manage stress, and build resilience and positive relationships. 

Teaching emotional regulation to children: strategies for parents and professionals

Parents play a crucial role as a guide and support during their child’s developmental stages. They are considered to be one of the main role models through which a child observes and learns responses and skills.

Understanding and teaching emotional self-regulation not only enhances a child’s emotional resilience but also encourages a positive family dynamic, promoting a peaceful and healthy home environment.

Therefore, parents or caregivers must be equipped with this knowledge as it, in return, will help in providing appropriate guidance to their child. Now comes the fun part: action! Here are some practical strategies you can use to help your child become an emotional master.

Parental strategies for nurturing emotional regulation

As a parent, you hold a strong role in nurturing your child’s emotional regulation skills. You can refer to these effective strategies to guide you on this journey.

• Be a calm coach. When your child is upset, the first thing you should do is to try to validate their feelings. It is important to try to understand the underlying issues that they might be facing. You can talk calmly to your child, offering support and guiding them toward solutions.
• Label emotions. The next step is to help your child to recognize their feelings. You can guide them by teaching them what basic emotions are by using simple words like “happy,” “sad,” or “frustrated.” You can also do this by role-playing or while reading a story to them. This builds their emotional vocabulary along with their self-awareness.
• Model healthy coping. You would have noticed your child copying you or repeating everything you do. Children tend to pick up habits by observing people around them, especially if it is their parents or caregivers. Therefore, if you can sit down with them to teach them some basic strategies for managing difficult emotions, it’ll help them to understand that it’s okay to have these emotions, and they can learn to manage them.
• Create a safe space. This involves making your home a haven for your children where they feel comfortable expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. You start by keeping an open mind and reassuring them that you are there for them no matter what.

Read more: Underlying Causes of Children’s Behavior Problems 

You can also include strategies such as mindful parenting and co-regulation while helping your little one. Mindful parenting includes being present and accepting of your child’s emotions while responding calmly to them. Co-regulation is a process through which parents provide a supportive presence to their child while fostering self-regulation skills. With these approaches, you can help your child learn vital skills to tackle life’s challenges with resilience and confidence.

Read more: Challenges in Parenthood and How Mindful Parenting Can Help

Recognizing warning signs and seeking professional guidance

Every child grows differently, but it’s important to watch out for signs that could mean they need help. These signs include:

• Your child often has meltdowns because they struggle with their feelings.
• Your child avoids social activities because they find it hard to interact with others.
• In serious cases, your child may hurt themselves or act in harmful ways.

If you see these signs, get advice from a therapist or counselor who knows about child development.

Developing emotional intelligence and self-regulation

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. It plays a key role in self-regulation, and fostering EQ in your child will enable them to navigate their emotions. Here are some ways to do this:

• As a parent, you can set an example by talking about your emotions openly and encouraging your child to do the same.
• Next, you can also teach them some healthy coping strategies, such as deep breathing, relaxation techniques, and expressing their needs assertively.
• Create opportunities for your child to engage in social interaction where they can practice expressing their emotions in a safe environment.

In conclusion

Understanding and supporting your child’s emotional development is an ongoing journey. Put these strategies discussed here into action and seek professional guidance when your child needs it. By doing so, you can equip them with the skills they need to thrive in their life.  Remember, every step you take toward nurturing your child’s emotional well-being is a step toward building a brighter future for them.

Start by becoming your child’s emotional guide and help them navigate the waves of life with confidence and resilience. This is just the beginning! So, take off on a journey together and watch your child blossom into an emotionally intelligent individual ready to take on the world.

If you would like to see more resources on self-regulation, check out the Parenting Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Parenting Science Labs today.

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For children, it is quite a different case. They, too, face difficulty handling emotions, but unlike most adults, they have limitations. Children do not have the right stage of cognitive development and have no experience and perspective on situations, knowledge of proper catharsis, and healthy coping mechanisms. 

Children need their parents or guardians to process their emotions with them, along with an environment that is nurturing and understanding. Parents play a crucial role in supporting children as they explore and identify their intricate terrain of emotions. Co-regulation is when parents assist their children in regulating their emotions. 

In this article, you will understand the concept of co-regulation—from its core definition, importance, strategies, and application of this technique to understand and manage emotions effectively for children, along with their parents. 

What is co-regulation?

Aleta Mayer (2016) defined co-regulation as a validating process of parents or adults caring for children or young adults, which helps them develop their self-regulating skills. Originally, this term was used to describe adults nurturing infants until it evolved to the concept of adults interactively giving support to children at different ages, depending on their capacities. 

When a parent or adult steps in to assist the child in processing their emotions, this will benefit both parties as parents enable their child to develop emotional self-regulation—a process when a person manages stressful situations and recovers from them by finding efficient ways to recuperate (Shanker, 2018). 

Co-regulation is a beneficial process that should encourage parents to participate in their child’s emotion regulation process actively. Through this, parents can foster a safe and healthy upbringing for their children and develop skills in controlling their emotions. Children will also discern their feelings and know the correct way to deal with them.

Co-regulation strategies for parents with children

Co-regulation with children is a daunting task, especially when children have special circumstances in their environment, a parents’ child-rearing style, and children’s behavior and cognitive development. 

But creating strategies may help parents develop their co-regulation skills. Below are some techniques parents may apply:

Support your child in developing their self-regulation skills

Children find it difficult to manage their emotions, so parents must teach them the knowledge and skills they need to deal with those emotions. Also, parents can provide support by talking with their children about their feelings and some techniques for managing them.

Create a daily routine with children

Establishing a consistent routine with children can help them feel secure and keep on track with the things they want. Creating a schedule where they are actively involved in creating one can help them improve their behavior (Yoo, n.d.).

Help them in distressful situations

When children face a distressful situation, parents should be careful with their expression, tone of voice, and body language, as children mirror everything they see in adults. Give your child the time to process their emotions and engage with them while considering their behavior and body language to ensure they are ready to talk. 

Develop a code signal

Developing an indicator or signal when your child is in a distressful situation can help them set boundaries for you and themselves. This way, you will know when to step in and provide help or step back to allow your child to process and identify them (Felton, 2022).

Provide support at home

Home is where children feel safe and secure. Create a safe haven for your child at home by showing support and understanding. This is an initial step where they can process and release their emotions without judgment.

Teaching co-regulation to children

Immersing children in co-regulation develops the skills they need to manage their emotions. Equipping them to learn more about themselves helps them navigate the complexities of emotions, thus promoting high self-awareness. According to Mike Huber (2022), there are three ways to teach co-regulation to children, including:

1. Calmly approach your child 

When children are already overwhelmed with feelings, it is important to consider reading the situation and approach them calmly. If they express a need for a boundary, respect it and allow them to process it independently. Remember to take a deep breath to make yourself calm and comfortable before conversing with them. 

2. Help your child by labeling their emotions

 It is important for everyone, especially children, to name their emotions as it is a crucial part in developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness. By recognizing their behavior and actions, they will better understand, communicate, and express their feelings. 

3. Help your child find their own ‘calming strategy’

Ask and observe your child about their preferences. Provide your child with options for them to try on, and make sure to help them along the process. Remember that co-regulation is a long and tedious process that may vary depending on parents, children, and circumstances. 

Some strategies and practices may work for others but will be quite a handful when you do it on your own. Just remember to be patient at every step—both parents and the child learn along the process. 

Overcoming common challenges in co-regulation

Co-regulation is a collaborative process between parents and children, where they might face countless challenges as they venture into the complexities of human emotions. 

Numerous factors come into play that can significantly influence the success of the co-regulation process, ultimately determining its outcome. According to a study, some factors might affect the co-regulation method: 

Children’s space and environment

Overstimulating, chaotic, and dynamic living conditions can impact children differently, affecting parents in teaching their children co-regulation. Creating a supportive and understanding environment is crucial for children to process their emotions effectively at their own pace. 

Children’s temperament and innate physiological traits

Children’s responses to triggers and stressors vary based on emotional sensitivity. They may require additional time and understanding to process their emotions. Reassure and support your child while offering choices to empower them. Respecting their boundaries fosters a sense of safety and security.

Parent’s interaction with their children

Interaction is a crucial part of the co-regulation process that builds positive attachment, trust, and emotional validation. Parents should observe their children’s non-verbal cues to identify their emotions, help them process them, and respond to them appropriately. 

In conclusion 

Emotions are complex for everyone, especially for children who lack the knowledge and understanding of the realities of the world. Co-regulation plays a huge role in children’s development and prepares them for much bigger and more challenging situations when they set foot in the broader realm. 

For parents and adults, protecting children and safeguarding their emotional well-being will help them establish healthy relationships and develop emotional coping skills that will help them throughout their lives.

If you would like to see more resources on self-regulation, visit the Parenting Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Check out the Parenting Science Labs today.

Photo by Keira Burton on Pexels

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Andrea Scarantino and Ronald de Sousa (2021) stated that emotion can be classified into dimensions, such as occurrences (e.g., panic) and dispositions (e.g., hostility), short-lived (e.g., anger) and long-lived (e.g., grief), and conscious (e.g., embarrassed about being unemployed) and unconscious (e.g., unconscious fear of failing in a relationship).

Emotions can fluctuate due to the significance of the event, whereas the latter is influenced by external and internal factors, including stress, side effects of medication, and lack of sleep. At times, when the emotion is too intense or when these influencing factors are unknown, regulating emotions can be a challenge. Labeling, acknowledging, and letting go of the emotion can help you manage it appropriately.

Label the emotion

The first step to regulating emotions is by labeling them. Many people have a hard time identifying their emotions, either due to a lack of emotional vocabulary or awareness. If you are experiencing a strong emotion, hold on for a moment before giving immediate reactions and try to find the most suitable word to label your feelings.

Managing your breathing would help reduce the intensity of your emotions. While short and shallow breaths intensify your already strong emotion, slow and deep breathing promotes a state of calmness by increasing the supply of oxygen to your brain. Try breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth while counting steadily from one to five in a comfortable position. Repeat the process without pausing for three to five minutes.

Once you have calmed down, try to describe what you were feeling and estimate the intensity of that specific emotion. As the range of emotional intensity differs for each person, what you call “sadness” might be labeled as “grief” by others. However, the difference in the label might also be due to the lack of vocabulary, hence the need for a more detailed description. Having this insight may change your perception of your emotions and perhaps help you discover other emotions covered by the more obvious ones.

Accept the emotion

The second step would be to accept your emotions. Rejecting emotion is a frequent reaction when facing uncomfortable feelings, such as sadness, fear, or shame. This might lead to engaging in using drugs, binge drinking, and unprotected sexual activities to feel better. However, the destructive power of these uncomfortable emotions will be weakened by accepting them instead of avoiding them.

Stephanie Boehme et al. (2019) found that compared to other emotional regulation strategies (e.g. rumination and thought suppression), acceptance can be considered an effective strategy. Accepting emotions means that you acknowledge your emotion without judging them as positive or negative and experience it as it is. Experiencing various emotions could help you learn how to manage them better in the future.

Practicing self-compassion can help you achieve a greater understanding of your emotional experiences and move on from them. In applying this strategy, you would need to imagine a scenario where your friends are having a hard time. Say what you would say to them to yourself: “You are not okay, and it’s normal since you are experiencing a challenging situation.” This would create a space to open yourself up to your emotions.

Let go of the emotion

The last step of emotional regulation is to let emotions go by expressing them. Once the body and mind are integrated, the emotional expression would be authentic and embodied. It will move the energy through and out of the body instead of pressuring it against the body.

In his book When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, Gabor Maté explained that emotional repression is a major cause of stress and a significant contributor to illness. For example, repressing anger would increase stress hormones, such as cortisol, that suppress the immune system. Thereafter, it could result in inflammatory autoimmune diseases of the joints, blood vessels, and internal organs, followed by other diseases, such as diabetes and Alzheimer’s.

Therefore, to be fully processed, emotions need to be expressed. This can be done through words, body language, or facial expressions. Many therapists also suggest expressing emotions through art known as confessional art. For example, when you are sad, you can express it by listening to sad music, writing a poem, or painting.

In conclusion

As complex as emotions are, it is necessary to regulate them to become resilient. Emotional regulation is about moving forward through any setbacks until reaching the goals. To mindfully deal with emotions, you need to implement these three steps: calmly label the emotion, accept it compassionately, and let it go by expressing it.

If you would like to take learning about self-regulation further, the Personal Resilience Science Labs produces courses, certifications, videos, podcasts, and other learning materials on the topic. These resources are based on research by the Institute for Life Management Science (ILMS). Find out more and visit the Personal Resilience Science Labs today.Photo by Stefano Pollio on Unsplash

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