Living Together: Pros and Cons of Cohabitation Prior to Exchanging Rings

Living together before marriage is a recent trend for young couples, commonly called premarital cohabitation. Many couples choose to live together to get to know each other better and see how they handle daily life together. Pre-marriage cohabitation highlights a shift towards a more flexible and personalized approach to relationships. As such, premarital cohabitation offers both pros and cons worth exploring.

If you choose to do premarital cohabitation, you need to know the various advantages and disadvantages of living together before marriage, touching on the emotional, financial, and relational aspects of a couple’s life. Understanding these different facets can help couples make informed decisions about whether living together before marriage is the right choice or not.

It’s crucial to consider these factors carefully to make the best decision for your relationship. Read on to explore the detailed pros and cons of cohabitation and how they might impact your life together.

Understanding premarital cohabitation

Cohabitation entails sharing a living space in an intimate relationship without marriage. In the last few years, cohabitation before marriage has become a socially acceptable practice in many Westernized countries. For instance, a staggering three-quarters (76%) of recent marriages between 2015 and 2019 were preceded by cohabitation. This trend underscores the growing acceptance and prevalence of living together in relationships in modern society.

Various social, economic, and personal factors contribute to the increasing prevalence of cohabitation before marriage. Socially, opting to cohabit instead of getting married may mirror attitudes towards the institution of marriage and its importance. Individuals may view marriage as just one of many possibilities for a committed relationship. With cohabitation, they can build a committed relationship with more flexibility and independence.

For some, one of the most common motivations for living together is to test the relationship’s compatibility. This allows couples to experience the reality of living together without the stress that comes with marriage.

Economic pressures also play a role. Rising housing costs and debt are leading couples to choose to live together as a means of sharing living expenses and achieving financial stability. 

But, behind these motives, some advantages and disadvantages need to be considered.

Advantages of premarital cohabitation

Premarital cohabitation offers several potential benefits. Starting from financial benefits to strengthening relationships and enhancing long-term communication. Here’s how:

Economic benefits

Most couples who cohabit jump into it because living together will be cheaper than staying apart. Couples can split rent, utilities, and other household costs, allowing them to save money and reduce financial stress.

A 2011 study by Pew Research reveals that cohabitation, especially among college-educated adults, boosts their income. While a single working person might spend 88% of their income on household expenses, a cohabiting couple with two jobs often the income evenly, at 50% each, freeing more money.

Living together also requires fewer economic and legal obligations compared to marriage. Thus, you can have the flexibility to tailor your living expenses to suit their specific needs and preferences.

Read more: Cara Macksoud: Smart Household Budgeting and Navigating Behavioral Finance | On the House #38

Surer relationships

As cohabitation becomes more normative and acceptable, couples view living together as a step in trial for their compatibility before marriage. You can experience each other’s daily routine and build emotional connections in a way that traditional dating cannot do.

If you want to be together for life, you definitely don’t want to spend your days with the wrong person. With cohabitation, you have the opportunity to uncover and navigate your partner’s potentially annoying habits that may only emerge after marriage.

Cohabitating will help couples to understand and adapt to each other’s habits, from minor irritations like leaving dishes in the sink to more significant lifestyle differences. This can determine whether the two of you are truly real-life compatible.

Communication skills

Sharing a living space requires continuous communication and compromise to ensure harmony. You will make multiple joint decisions regarding household responsibilities and relationship expectations.

Read more: Managing Realistic Expectations in Relationships for Lasting Happiness 

Making joint decisions encourages you to negotiate and compromise effectively. It will also strengthen your ability to find common ground and face challenges.

Over time, these communication skills become invaluable assets. You will have better communication skills to plan for future developments and strengthen relationship bonds.

Disadvantages of premarital cohabitation

Apart from the benefits, cohabitation also has several disadvantages that couples should consider before making the decision. Here are some:

Legal and financial concerns

One significant concern is the legal and financial concerns arising from living together as noninstitutionalized unions. Unlike marriage, cohabitation does not provide legal protection or rights for partners in the event of separation.

You will have no legal rights to each other’s assets and cannot claim alimony if you are separate. This can lead to the avoidance of investing in joint finances. Eventually, the lack of financial commitment will give the impression that both of you are unsure whether your relationship will last.

Emotional risks

While living together, differences in habits and lifestyle are bound to be discovered. Conflicts and arguments cannot be avoided. Without marital commitment, some people will be less motivated to invest more in resolving these conflicts.

Ultimately, couples will withdraw emotionally rather than face the problem head-on. This results in disconnection and reduces emotional intimacy.

Higher divorce rates

Despite its increasing popularity, living together before marriage is associated with delayed marriage and increased divorce rates. Reports show that 34% of couples who live together before making an official commitment end up in divorce, compared to less than 25% of couples who wait to live together until they are engaged or married.

Cohabitation is seen as a temporary arrangement. It is often formed based on low commitment, which can create a foundation of instability. As a result, when couples transition to marriage, they may carry over these instability issues, which results in divorce.

Strategies for improving cohabitation

To increase the chances of reaping the benefits of cohabitation and avoiding its drawbacks, couples can adopt several strategies as follows:

Create a cohabitation agreement

Draft a legal document outlining the terms of your living together arrangement. A cohabitation agreement can set out household expenses to determine how assets are owned and what happens if you break up. 

Set clear expectations and goals

Communication is key. Discuss your long-term plans with your partner. It can be about relationship expectations, financial goals, or personal goals. By opening up, you can align your hopes and intentions.

Read more: Family Finance Planning at Different Stages of Life 

Define household responsibilities

One way to avoid recurring resentment is to divide household tasks in a balanced and fair manner. When dividing tasks, consider each partner’s strengths and preferences. You can also define tasks outside of traditional gender norms.

Have regular relationship check-ins

Regular check-ins can prevent small issues from escalating into larger conflicts. You can set the frequency based on the couple’s needs and preferences. However, the general recommendation is to hold it weekly or once every two weeks. Make sure that important topics are covered. Don’t forget to practice active listening and show empathy to your partner by validating their emotions.

Have a plan for conflict resolution

You can start by developing ground rules for arguments that work for both partners. No interrupting, no name-calling, and taking turns while speaking are some examples. Make sure to approach conflicts as problems to be solved together. By having a plan for conflict resolution, you can maintain a healthy relationship.

In conclusion

Premarital cohabitation offers numerous benefits, but it also comes with potential drawbacks. Understanding these factors is crucial for making an informed choice that aligns with your personal values and relationship goals. 

On the plus side, living together can save money by sharing rent and household expenses. However, it lacks the legal protections of marriage, leaving partners without rights to each other’s assets and alimony. The absence of marital commitment also causes relationship instability.

Before deciding to cohabit, have a detailed and transparent conversation with your partner. By thoroughly examining the pros and cons and preparing strategically, you can enhance your chances of a positive and fulfilling cohabitation experience.

If you would like to see more resources on living arrangements, check out the Relationships Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Relationships Science Labs today.

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