It’s human nature to seek love and support from your partner. Yet, love and relationships are not as perfect as you would like them. So, have you ever analyzed what type of relationship you have? Are you in a healthy relationship? Or are you unhappy?
Dr. Elisabeth “Eli” Sheff is a researcher, expert witness, coach, speaker, and educational consultant. With a Ph.D. in Sociology and certification as a Sexuality Educator from AASECT, Dr. Eli specializes in gender and sexual minority families, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM.
She is the foremost academic expert on polyamorous families with children, and her 25-plus year Polyamorous Family Study is the only longitudinal study of poly families with children to date. Also, Dr. Eli has served as faculty at the University of Colorado, the University of Montana, Georgia State University, the University of Tennessee, Oglethorpe, Emory, and the University of Zurich.
Additionally, Dr. Elisabeth chairs the Consensual Non-Monogamies Legal Issues Team for the American Psychological Association, Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy. She has also published four books and over 25 journal articles and chapters, and she is currently editing a series of books on diverse sexualities, genders, and relationships with Dr. Richard Sprott and the publishers Rowman & Littlefield.
In this podcast episode hosted by Aditi Kutty, Dr. Elisabeth explained the different attachment styles, which include insecurely attached, complementary, and avoidant. She said that people could learn over time to become more securely attached, in part by working on their self-esteem and helping themselves realize that they deserve to get their needs met.
Dr. Elisabeth also recommended using online tests she and her colleagues developed to identify attachment and bonding styles. She added that after people get their test results, they can go to a community for people on Discord and look at different styles of bonding, dating, romance, friendships, etc.
It is important to identify your attachment and bonding styles because it will not only help you realize what you need and what to change, but it will also help you know which people to bond with and how they can meet your needs.
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