The term polyamory was only popularized in the early 90s, however, this form of relationship has actually existed since the dawn of history. However, because many people are unfamiliar with this type of relationship, polyamorous relationships were considered quite taboo until recently.
As society developed, various types of romantic relationships began to be accepted, including polyamory. Today, it is more normalized than ever.
However, it is still not popular. If you are a consenting adult interested in these relationship dynamics, you may want to explore alternative relationship structures to understand your preferences.
Through this article, you can understand, without bias, the difference between polyamory and monogamy, the challenges, and their goals. Read the next section to broaden your mind about the multiple types of modern relationships.
Before discussing these two types of relationships, it is important to understand what monogamy and polyamory look like. This will help you understand their differences and how they might look in your life—if that’s what you want.
A monogamous relationship is closely related to commitment.
This is the standard form of romantic relationship known to most people. In short, a monogamous relationship is carried out exclusively between two individuals. This is according to cultural norms that assume this is the ideal type of relationship.
Polyamory refers to a type of relationship in which an individual is romantically involved with more than one partner at the same time. This arrangement is based on the agreement of all parties.
Thus, polyamory is often considered the opposite of a monogamous relationship because more than two people carry it out. However, couples in a polyamorous relationship can still feel emotional and sexual closeness with their partners, just like in a monogamous relationship.
The main difference between monogamy and polyamory is the number of partners involved. In monogamy, an individual is in a relationship with one partner. In contrast, in a polyamorous relationship, an individual bonds with several people at once.
Other differences between the two types of relationships include the level of commitment, the form of communication or boundaries, and the fulfillment of emotional and sexual needs. The next sections will discuss these in more detail.
In a monogamous relationship, the individual is exclusively committed to their partner because the relationship is only lived with one person. However, for some people, commitment limits them, causing them to engage in infidelity, which causes problems in the relationship.
Read more: How to Relieve the Emotional Toll of Infidelity
In contrast, in a polyamorous relationship, there is reportedly little problem of infidelity, unlike in a monogamous relationship. This is because the individual has more than one partner to fulfill their needs, and they simply communicate and discuss with their partner when they want to have a relationship with someone else.
In a monogamous relationship, couples must discuss and determine their expectations and boundaries. For example, they must determine what kind of interactions individuals can have with other people, the conditions that are called cheating, and other things. These boundaries are rigid — they should not be violated for the relationship to survive.
On the other hand, in a polyamorous relationship, couples need to discuss boundaries in more detail than in a monogamous relationship. This is because many people are involved in a polyamorous relationship, and setting boundaries can minimize the possibility of conflict in the relationship.
So, even though they both apply boundaries in relationships, there are differences in setting boundaries. Polyamory’s boundaries are more difficult to form than monogamy’s because more parties are involved.
Individuals in monogamous relationships fulfill their emotional and sexual needs from only one partner because of its inherent exclusivity. In addition, individuals can also feel their emotional and sexual needs are met by having a relationship with one person.
On the other hand, polyamorous relationships fulfill the sexual and emotional needs of more than one person. So, individuals may fulfill their emotional needs from one person and fulfill their sexual needs from another partner.
Moreover, new relationships are said to benefit the group as a whole. To illustrate this further, consider Rachel’s hypothetical situation.
Rachel has 2 partners and has just started a new relationship with someone else. In this relationship, Rachel feels emotional satisfaction from one person and sexual satisfaction from the others. This new bond gives Rachel satisfaction from the new relationship, or what is known as New Relationship Energy (NRE).
NRE is when someone feels joy, enthusiasm, and cheerfulness because they are fascinated by a new partner. This satisfaction can positively affect Rachel’s other relationships, which last longer, so Rachel feels satisfied with her various relationships overall.
Ethical considerations are important in romantic relationships because they concern how the relationship will continue.
By understanding ethical considerations in relationships, you can understand what conditions might occur in these relationships. Plus, you also understand what is needed for the relationship to run well.
Consent is important in a monogamous relationship to determine what is considered a violation of exclusivity. Furthermore, honest communication is also important to determine how this relationship can maintain exclusivity.
Through honesty between monogamous parties, couples can increase trust in each other and prevent violations of exclusivity, or what is commonly known as infidelity, so that the relationship can last and run positively.
Read more: Infidelity in the Digital Age: The Rise of Online Affairs and Cyber-Infidelity
In polyamory, individuals and their partners need to communicate honestly and determine their consent. Thus, individuals and each partner need to determine what is allowed to be done with each other, their boundaries, and various other rules.
Trust is also critical in polyamory. Honest communication builds trust between partners, helping to keep the relationship stable and lasting despite the involvement of more than two people.
Although polyamorous relationships are considered normal for some people in modern times, there are still many who feel strange and consider polyamory as taboo because it does not abide by the norms that apply in society.
These expectations can lead to complex situations. Returning to Rachel’s example, she feels satisfied because her emotional and sexual needs can be fulfilled. However, her social circle, including her family, may not consider this condition good.
Even though Rachel feels satisfied with her relationships, they are considered abnormal and taboo. This causes Rachel to choose between satisfaction from the relationship and following her social circle.
Therefore, although some people consider polyamory as a natural thing and a result of social development in society, there are still many individuals who have negative views and experience discrimination when in different relationship types.
Before you decide to have a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, it is important to learn about these two types and consider various factors as they affect the continuity of the relationship.
Some factors that need to be considered are security, fulfilling needs, and proper communication.
You need to understand what you seek in a romantic relationship: security or freedom. If you think you need security, consider a monogamous relationship. Through exclusivity, you can be comfortable and not worry about your partner’s relationship with someone else.
On the other hand, if you like freedom in relationships, polyamory is the answer. You can have a more freely flowing relationship without being tied to exclusivity with one person.
Before choosing the type of relationship you will have, you need to understand what you are looking for. Can the relationship fulfill that?
For example, between monogamy and polyamory, which type of relationship can fulfill your emotional and sexual needs? Fulfilling these needs is essential because it affects the level of satisfaction with the relationship.
In addition to considering your own conditions, you also need to consider your relationship with your partner. Both of you need to discuss various things, such as what you are looking for in a relationship, what kind of relationship you want to have, and related matters.
Discussing this with your potential partner can help you both agree on a relationship that matches both parties.
Monogamy and polyamory are two types of romantic relationships that have their characteristics, challenges, and benefits. However, communication remains an important factor that can influence the success of these two types of relationships.
In a monogamous relationship, communication is essential to establishing clear boundaries and maintaining exclusivity. Conversely, in a polyamorous relationship, communication is necessary to determine what is allowed and not allowed between partners.
Furthermore, before deciding on one type of relationship, you must consider what needs and desires are sought. Learn the dynamics of each option so you can make an informed decision based on your relationship preferences.
If you would like to see more resources on relationship typology, check out the Relationship Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Relationship Science Labs today.
Photo by gpointstudio on Freepik
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