Ahh, love. That four-letter word that’s inspired a million poems, stories, and movies. It is a force that has taken hold of hearts and minds for ages, crossing cultures, religions, and traditions. But have you ever wondered how romantic love has become such a universal feeling?
Romantic love has been around for centuries, but hasn’t always looked as it does today. It wasn’t always the complex, heartfelt thing it is today. Instead, it’s evolved from something entirely different over several eras. Even today, modern views on love are changing rapidly, driven by shifting societal standards and new technologies.
With swipes and clicks replacing chance encounters, the naive audience may believe that love has lost its magic, becoming “cheaper” or meaningless. However, this change is no different.
It might be a shock to know that centuries of traditions, laws, and even rebellions have shaped your current views on love. So, while the rules may shift, the search for genuine connection remains as alive and exciting as ever!
Understanding the history of romantic love provides essential insights into today’s world, especially the changing nature of relationships. By the end, you’ll have a new perspective on romantic love, one that might alter your perspective of your relationships today. So get ready to take off on an insightful journey through the history of love!
It may surprise you to find that romantic love is linked to the survival of the human species. That’s right, those heart-pounding emotions gave the first humans an evolutionary advantage. This field of study is called evolutionary psychology, and it examines how our brains work from an evolutionary standpoint, including romantic love.
The following sections will discuss this theory in more detail. So buckle up, because love is about to go prehistoric.
Romantic love is deeply rooted in evolutionary history. Over the millennia, nature has carefully shaped human emotions and behaviors, boosting the chances of survival.
Romantic love evolved as an essential survival factor for early humans, guiding them towards human sexual selection, successful reproduction, and building close-knit bonds. Back then, “love” ensured the next generation survived, a bit different from the candlelit dinners you know today.
Evolutionary psychologists have a field day with these historical perspectives on love, speculating that the gooey feelings of love helped the first humans stick together to raise their children. Ancient brain mechanisms made romantic love not just a fluttering feeling but a crucial survival tool!
An evolutionary psychologist, David M. Buss, further explained that the evolution of romantic love is a key to finding a compatible partner for reproductive success.
This connection paves the way for pair bonding — an early form of romantic love, a strong, selective, long relationship between two individuals that helps create a parent-child bond. Love here acts as a “commitment device,” encouraging long-term partnerships.
This partnership provides a stable environment for raising kids, increasing the likelihood of their survival and successful upbringing. So, in a way, you play a part in this grand evolutionary tradition every time you swoon over someone.
Romantic love was essential in building strong and resilient communities between early human groups.
Interestingly, the Neolithic period, which began around 9500 BC, brought agriculture and the first glimpses of romance to the scene. Early weddings and joint burials, like a pair discovered locked in an embrace in Mantua in 2007, prove that love was already in early societies.
But in these times, falling in love was more than simply a personal relationship; it was securing group ties. Passionate love strengthens group connections.
For example, one family — one “group” — will be bound to another through this joining, increasing the group’s trust, unity, and resilience and giving it higher chances of survival. Early human societies depended heavily on this sense of belonging and shared responsibility to survive and prosper.
Romantic love goes on to strengthen social bonds by fostering strong emotional connections between individuals.
These ties also foster stronger trust, cooperation, and mutual support within the group. When people are connected by love, they are more likely to collaborate. This improved bonding enables the group to navigate challenges more skillfully.
Love also contributed to forming alliances. Individuals from different tribes were sometimes paired romantically to forge stronger social bonds. These love-driven connections expanded networks within the community, making it easier to share resources and information.
These new ties were crucial for hunting, gathering, and keeping the group united.
While romantic love laid the foundation for cooperation and resource-sharing in early human societies, its evolution didn’t stop there. Romantic love started to take on new significance; love slowly began to become about more than just survival. It was about creating a bond that could last a lifetime.
As the cultural history of romance evolved, so did the ways in which romantic love was expressed and valued. For example, in some societies, like Medieval Europe, love was all about grand gestures and poetry.
As time passed, societal norms also got a makeover, and marriages became less about survival and more about finding that special someone you genuinely liked.
This was expanded upon in the ancient and classical periods, when societies frequently emphasized arranged marriages and explored the concept of romantic love in literature and mythology. This ultimately resulted in the development of passionate love as the motivating factor in marriage and relationships.
As civilizations evolved, love adapted to new cultural, religious, and societal influences, shaping how people connected and expressed affection.
During this initial period, love came to be linked with ideas of duty, honor, and even spirituality, as societal ideals changed to prioritize the needs of the collective over those of the individual.
Religious beliefs impacted how love was viewed, framing it as a sacred bond where moral integrity and spiritual development were linked to emotional ties. Furthermore, the emergence of social systems supported social hierarchies by requiring acts of devotion and sacrifice to express love. This connection influenced how people formed romantic relationships.
This section explains how these early interpretations of love paved the way for the romantic ideals that still exist today.
In ancient civilizations, romantic love was anything but a modern-day fantasy. Often, it was about social duties and alliances more than romanticized passion. Love was frequently used to maintain societal stability by strengthening political and familial bonds. This practical view of love strongly emphasized loyalty, duty, and honor.
In Ancient India, the tale of the Ramayana brought out Rama and Sita’s devoted love. In Ancient China, the tragic tale of The Butterfly Lovers showed that love was a powerful, boundary-breaking emotion. In Egypt, the story of Antony and Cleopatra’s relationship is a historical example of passionate love and political turmoil.
Love, however, is more than a feeling of romance, no matter how story-worthy. Indeed, love in ancient Greek and Roman societies was multifarious, intrinsic to their cosmology, medicine, philosophy, and literature.
Interestingly, some of the earliest expressions of romantic love can be traced back to ancient civilizations. In 1880, a Sumerian tablet from around 2000 BC was discovered with the oldest known love poem. Although most likely written by a male reciting a legendary story, similar Sumerian poems were part of fertility rituals, proving that women actively sought partners.
Plato, an influential Greek philosopher, extensively addressed the topic of love, particularly in his work Symposium.
It is a series of speeches by famous Athenians describing the nature of love. One of the comic playwrights depicted in the dialogues, Aristophanes, proposed a fascinating theory, believing that love came from humans originally being conjoined creatures split into two by Zeus as a punishment for their pride. This myth explains the human desire to be reunited with one’s “other half.”
Love and romance were major topics in the tales of gods, goddesses, and heroes in ancient civilizations’ mythology, particularly in Greek, Roman, and Egyptian myths.
These myths frequently showed that love was as complicated for the gods as it was for mortals. The connection between art and romantic love reflects timeless emotions that continue to shape modern views, illustrating the enduring nature of these powerful feelings.
For instance, the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice portrays the depths of love, emphasizing loyalty even in the face of impossible odds. The Roman story of Aeneas and Dido illustrates how personal sacrifice is often required for the greater good. In Egyptian mythology, the tale of Isis and Osiris represents eternal love and the capacity of love to overcome death, as well as elements of resurrection and enduring loyalty.
The symbolic representation of love in ancient art and sculpture further reinforces its significance in these cultures.
Statues of lovers, such as the famous Greek sculpture of Eros, the god of love, or the Roman depiction of Cupid, captured the idealized beauty and passion associated with romantic love. These works of art and romantic love served as a way for ancient cultures to express the complexities of human emotions.
In its simplest evolutionary form, romantic love was connected to human reproductive function and survival. Early religious and philosophical perspectives expanded this, connecting love to moral, spiritual, and intellectual goals. Over time, love was seen as divine in Christianity and Hinduism.
Later, Plato regarded love as a step from physical attraction to wisdom, and Aristotle thought it was vital to human development through mutual virtue. These concepts gave love a moral and ethical foundation, lifting it above basic biological needs.
In Hinduism, love was more than just romance. It was a divine force, as seen in the love between Krishna and Radha, symbolizing the soul’s desire for divine union. Early Judeo-Christian traditions also emphasized love as a sacred bond with God. Religion and romantic love are closely linked in both traditions, shaping how love is perceived and practiced.
Philosophical views of love
Philosophical views on love from ancient thinkers like Plato and Aristotle offer another layer of insight.
Plato’s view of love was deeply philosophical, focusing on its connection to beauty and truth. He coined the term eros to describe not just sexual desire but a yearning for the more profound, transcendent beauty beyond the physical world. According to Plato, true love involves admiring this higher beauty, ultimately leading to a love of philosophy.
On the flip side, Aristotle focused on love’s role in personal and ethical growth. He coined philia to describe a love that includes friendships, family bonds, and social responsibilities.
Philia is about mutual respect and virtue that benefit both individuals and the community, aiming for eudaimonia — a flourishing, well-lived life. This contrasts with the opposite, the base form of sensations, called hedonism.
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While Plato thought forms of beauty existed in an ideal realm, Aristotle believed they were linked to the physical world, making his view of love more practical and connected to everyday life.
These ancient views show the depth to which love was regarded as philosophically arguable while also building the case for how such ideas influenced modern conceptions of romantic love. The mixture of aesthetic, ethical, and metaphysical dimensions characterizes contemporary ideas.
These periods introduced romantic ideals in literature that would shape how love was perceived and expressed for centuries.
There were brave romantic pursuits and chivalrous romances during the Medieval times. The Renaissance turned toward a mix of idealism and realism. This period witnessed a significant shift in the portrayal of love, paving the way for modern interpretations.
Several factors led to the Renaissance’s blend of idealism and reality. The rebirth of the classical period shaped perceptions of beauty and human experience, while humanism promoted individual feelings and perspectives.
Furthermore, events such as the end of the aristocracy and the growth of city-states promoted personal identity, resulting in more refined images of love that inspired current concepts of romantic relationships.
In Medieval Europe, courtly love was the ultimate romantic adventure — the highest expression of romantic love, in contrast to the arranged marriages of the nobility. Knights would passionately admire ladies from afar, often pouring their hearts out in poetry and song.
This idealized love showcased a knight’s chivalry and devotion, turning romantic love into a noble quest. Courtly love, originating in the late 11th century in regions like Aquitaine, Provence, and Champagne, was a strong literary and cultural movement centered around nobility and chivalry.
The simplest definition of courtly love involved knights performing deeds for ladies. This idealized form of love, described as both “illicit and morally elevating,” became a central part of the literature of the High Middle Ages, affecting many forms of art and societal norms.
Chivalrous knights followed a code of conduct that insisted they be humble servants to their ladies, displaying chivalrous and sacrificial behavior that would not be consummated physically.
Other forms of ritual in courtly love assumed the guise of exchanging tokens, love letters, and poetic discourse, which were always discreetly done since this flouted the social and marital conventions at the time. This kind of love was seen as spiritual, a connection of souls, or simply a platonic relationship where mental union was placed on higher aid than flesh union.
This cultural significance shows how societal norms and love were deeply connected, leaving a lasting legacy on how romance was perceived and practiced.
Humanism sparked a fresh take on romantic love during the Renaissance, focusing on individual emotion and personal connection. This era encouraged people to explore their feelings and experiences rather than strictly adhere to Medieval ideals.
The rediscovery of classical works from ancient Greece and Rome, such as Plato’s Symposium and Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, drove the turn toward humanism and a new definition of romantic love.
These writings defined individualism and the deeper dimensions of love beyond physical attraction. During the Renaissance, scholars sought out these writings, rekindling interest in human potential and connection to one another.
Also, the rise of secularism allowed for emotional exploration outside of religious contexts, and increased middle-class literacy, which extended access to literature celebrating personal connection and feelings. As a result, romantic love became more about genuine personal connections and less about grand, unattainable ideals.
Emotions and intellect were celebrated in harmony as passion and reason were combined.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a philosopher noted for his thoughts on human nature and individual freedom, emphasized emotion as the foundation of true wisdom, as seen in his Confessions.
His emphasis on strong emotional experience above academic reasoning paved the way for Romanticism, which clashed dramatically with the Renaissance’s balanced approach. These new conceptions of romantic love are reflected in influential works of this period.
Shakespeare’s plays, such as Romeo and Juliet, provided a new viewpoint on love, highlighting its joys, challenges, and complexities through vivid characters and dramatic storylines.
Similarly, Petrarch’s sonnets to Laura are filled with heartfelt expressions of love and longing, showing the emotional depth and personal nature of romantic connections. This transition influenced literature and people’s attitudes toward romance and relationships, thus laying the groundwork for modern views on love.
The Church heavily influenced views on romantic love and marriage during the Medieval period. The Church held strong beliefs about what made a good relationship, and romantic love was often linked with religious duty and good behavior.
The 12th century saw essential advances with a shift from a severe, authoritative image of God to a more compassionate picture of Christ’s humanity. This shift was greatly influenced by the rise of Mysticism, a religious movement highlighting the direct personal experience with God.
Mystics frequently sought a deep connection with the divine through meditation and reflective thinking. This focus on human spirituality gave rise to a new understanding of biblical texts that showed Christ’s compassionate and loving personality.
Furthermore, the rise of popular literature allowed religious concepts to be communicated to a larger audience, resulting in a more accessible and relatable understanding of the Christian faith.
This shift fostered a stronger emotional and intimate relationship with God, indicating a growing acceptance of romantic love as self-fulfillment.
Marriage came to be viewed not just as a formal sacrament, but also as a bond requiring mutual consent. This change suggested a shift in attitudes toward women’s responsibilities and individual societal rights.
During this time, the wealthy aristocracy, famed for their lavish lifestyles, became the primary audience for romantic novels, thanks to the backing of wealthy women who financed these wor
This shift from monastic to lay patronage of literature broadened the reach of romantic themes down the classes, firmly entrenching the ideals of romantic love within the cultural structure of the Middle Ages.
Early modern romantic love was ground-breaking, an evolutionary leap from earlier ideals. The Romanticism movement rose to prominence during this period, significantly changing Europe’s cultural and intellectual landscape.
In contrast to the logic of the Enlightenment, Romanticism valued individual feeling and the sublimity of nature. Thinkers such as Jean-Jacques Rousseau valued human emotional experience over reason.
Rousseau, known as ‘the Father of Romanticism,’ championed the idea that true wisdom comes from emotion rather than intellectual thought, challenging Renaissance beliefs. His key work, Confessions, provided a raw and honest peek into his personal life, inspiring Romantic artists such as Edgar Allan Poe and Mary Shelley.
The ideas of Rousseau reached deep inside the hearts of love and emotional relationships.
He expressed that love lies in the natural human feelings humans are born with, which are good and true. He believed society taints these instincts, moving people away from their real feelings.
On this idea about the purity of natural human feelings, the Romantic movement found fertile soil, nourished by the concerns for the intensity and all-consuming quality of love.
Rousseau’s beliefs on beauty and love stressed the key position of women in romantic relationships, pushing for a view of love that elevates both partners and emphasizes women’s contributions to romance and beauty.
Rousseau proposed a more equal treatment of women in love relationships, opposing traditional patriarchal standards. He pointed out that love should be a mutually beneficial partnership in which both parties contribute and enhance one another. This proto-feminist approach was revolutionary.
His ideas swept through the Romantic period, influencing an entire generation of artists and writers to create works focusing on love, nature, and individualism. Evidence can be found in the literature of that age when love became the ruling theme, pictured as powerful, transformative, and inexplicable by reason or convention.
The influence Rousseau held during the Renaissance and the Enlightenment epitomizes one of the most radical turns in the history of romantic love.
His ideas were saturated with emotion and the goodness of nature, shifting the cultural understanding of love from rational and duty-bound to passionate and individualistic. Thus changing the stage on which modern interpretations of romantic relationships would play out.
The Romantic movement intensified love’s emotional intensity. This period of romance produced an extensive amount of passionately romantic literature and art. The Romantic period’s emphasis on emotional love altered how romance was expressed and interpreted.
This was marked by the celebration of Valentine’s Day in the 19th century, which saw a significant transformation with the advent of industrialization.
Esther A. Howland, also known as the “Mother of the Valentine,” popularized the festival in America in the 1840s with her elaborate creations, including lace, ribbons, and colorful pictures called “scrap.”
Originally, individuals exchanged handwritten Valentine notes, but as printing technology advanced, printed cards began to replace personal notes. This move was further aided by cheaper postage rates, which helped increase the popularity of sending Valentine’s Day greetings.
The Romantic Movement, including figures such as Elizabeth Barrett Browning, had an immense impact on the culture of love.
Barrett Browning, famed for her deeply moving poetry, exchanged 574 letters with fellow poet Robert Browning during a twenty-month period. These letters later formed the basis for the play The Barretts of Wimpole Street. Despite Elizabeth’s father’s objections, their passionate love led to their elopement in 1846 and relocation to Florence, Italy.
The Sonnets from the Portuguese, written secretly before her marriage and dedicated to her husband, are further recognized with high prestige for their imagery and emotional profundity, placing her at times at the level of Shakespeare and Petrarch.
One of the most famous sonnets is Sonnet 43, which begins with the famous line, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways,” allowing insight into the depths and all-comprehending power of romantic love during this century.
This couple’s love story influenced Elizabeth’s poetry and the general outline of the realization of romantic love in culture as a powerful, transfiguring force. It reflects the 19th-century romantic ideal, which celebrated the emotional link between human beings, setting a precedent for modern-day romantic expressions.
As societies progressed, so did their perspectives on romantic love and marriage. People began to consider marriage more than just a social or economic contract, but a love and compatibility-based relationship. Industrialization also altered romantic ideals and courtship behaviors.
Traditional courtship customs evolved as cities and the working class became important. The hustle and bustle of city life provided additional possibilities for people to meet and connect outside their usual social circles. The industrial age also brought about new kinds of communication and courting, such as social courtship, which enabled love relationships to evolve in more diverse and individualized ways.
This shift gave rise to a higher focus on one’s preferences and romantic attractiveness when picking a partner, as opposed to simply economic or societal concerns. Romantic love became a key theme in marriage due to social and economic developments throughout this period, reflecting a larger cultural shift.
Romantic love in the modern era represents a shift toward more individualized approaches to love, with gender roles in romantic love and personal choices taking center stage. As traditional norms fade and new ideas emerge, modern romance prioritizes personal fulfillment and emotional connection.
Transitioning from historical restrictions to modern times shows how individualism and love grew as one. Romantic partnerships today frequently prioritize happiness and self-expression, challenging set gender roles and celebrating diverse ways of loving. This transition reveals how love has developed to fit a more flexible and customized framework.
The early 20th century saw a sea of change in attitude toward marriage and romance. The idea of “companionate marriage” emerged, stressing equality, mutual respect, and emotional connection between husband and wife.
This was a very radical departure from the older perception of marriage as a socio-economic arrangement. Marrying for love became popular due to Enlightenment ideas and changes brought about by the Industrial Revolution, which gave people more autonomy when choosing their partners.
During this period, the Women’s Rights Movement also gathered momentum. Women began demanding equal status with their husbands, thereby changing the traditional power equations in a marriage.
Soon, effective contraception changed the face of marriage; for now, couples could control their reproductive decisions and, in turn, their personal and emotional relationships. Literature and culture at the time reflected changing beliefs about love, relationships, and marriage.
Works like Companionate Marriage pointed out emotional and intellectual companionship. At the same time, historical fiction such as Georgette Heyer’s The Black Moth and Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind brought romantic ideals into reality.
Daphne Du Maurier’s Rebecca revived Gothic romance by combining horror and love to explore emotional depths, and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby showed the clash between traditional and modern values in love.
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These narratives contributed significantly to the cultural perception of love and influenced the perception and expressions of love in the modern age. They also reflected the changes in society at that time, when people were keen on finding their happiness and fulfillment in love, away from the traditionalist outlook that gripped them.
In the digital age, technology has modernized romance, transforming it into a high-tech adventure.
With social media, dating apps, and instant messaging, you can now swipe right or send a heart emoji to start a conversation, making it easier than ever to meet possible companions from all over.
Online dating has been a game-changer for modern courtship. With so many dating apps and websites, finding a possible companion is as simple as looking through profiles and matching with someone who catches your attention.
This new form of meeting people has broadened your dating pool far beyond your immediate network, allowing you to interact with others who share your interests and values, no matter where they are.
While digitalization has expanded opportunities, it has also introduced new problems. The immediacy of internet contact can make relationships feel more superficial, and navigating online profiles can create a decision conundrum.
It also breeds an environment for misrepresentation, with people typically presenting romanticized versions of themselves, leading to disappointment and mistrust.
The prevalence of cyberbullying and online harassment can create a toxic environment that causes emotional discomfort and undermines trust in relationships. Another concern is the phenomenon of “ghosting,” which makes people feel devalued and insecure about their self-worth.
Finally, data breaches risk people’s security by allowing sensitive information given online to be exploited, complicating the landscape of modern love.
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Modern romantic relationships are increasingly egalitarian, with both partners assuming responsibilities and benefits.
This norm of the two-income family has translated into expectations that both partners contribute to housework and childcare. As a result, relationship satisfaction tends to be higher when these egalitarian standards are met. This pattern extends to most sexual orientations and gender identities.
For instance, one study has indicated that the overwhelming majority of young adults, regardless of sexual orientation, rated love, faithfulness, and lifelong commitment highly in their relationships.
Gender roles in relationships are becoming more equally expected, yet there is still this nagging feeling that men should pay on the first date for heterosexual couples.
Desirably, characteristics in a partner changed over the decades: men’s desire for women’s financial prospects increased, while women no longer valued men’s ambition as much, indicating a decrease in traditional gender expectations in mate selection.
Read more: Redrawing Traditional Dating Tips for Men: Equality and the Path to Open-Hearted Connections
Confluent love
Modern relationships are framed as “confluent love,” in which relationships are sustained only as long as they are mutually fulfilling.
It is a distinctively modern approach to intimacy in that it doesn’t see relationships as permanent or necessarily related to complementary gender roles. It is part of the deinstitutionalization of marriage — a process through which the norms and behaviors set in marriage become increasingly flexible, reflecting greater freedom in personal relationships.
Effects of globalization
Globalization has been instrumental in how love is perceived and expressed in modern society.
Interconnectedness has brought the world closer together, allowing people to share ideas, traditions, and beliefs that strengthen marriages and broaden the understanding of love and hybrid romantic relationships.
This gives way to hybrid forms of romantic relationships, combining traditional and modern views with global influences while retaining their cultural uniqueness.
For example, a couple from a traditional culture may opt to have a wedding ceremony that includes cultural rituals and customs, as well as modern aspects such as personalized vows or a more spontaneous celebration style influenced by global trends. This blend allows them to honor their heritage while adapting to modern concepts about love and partnership.
Further, globalization has fostered advances in communication and travel. Thus, people from different backgrounds can establish and sustain relationships across geographical distances. With this global connectivity, a deeper understanding and appreciation of other cultures can enrich personal relationships and create new challenges for couples.
Confluent love’s fluid and contingent nature is more characteristically seen in globalized societies.
Due to global culture and a contemporary, secular setting, this type of love departs from the conventional “till death do us part” notion and represents a trend toward more adaptable, individual-focused relationships. This emergent morality of love focuses on the right to personal happiness and the propriety of breaking up relationships that are no longer fulfilling to individuals.
Implications of modern romantic love
Modern romantic love is inextricably linked to social, economic, and cultural developments underpinning broader trends toward individualism, equality, and globalization. These changes shape how relationships are formed, sustained, and valued, pointing to contemporary society’s adaptive nature of love.
Given the continuous interaction and evolution of cultures, love and marriage are bound to continue changing. They reflect a global landscape of human relationships in all their complexity and the continuous interplay of traditional values against modern influences.
This article has canvassed the multiform landscape of romantic love — its splendored origins and evolutionary course in diverse epochs and cultures.
From its first conceptions in ancient thought and mythology to the modern form of individualized and egalitarian love, romantic love has been a central theme shaping the human experience.
Historical and cultural insight thus inescapably shows how deeply the conceptions of romantic love are entwined with social changes. Knowing this broadens the understanding of how love is perceived and received, showing the ever-dynamic interplay between personal desire and cultural context.
These insights show that recognizing how love can be expressed is essential as romantic relationships become more complex in a globalized world. The rich evolution of romantic love invites you to ponder the future trajectories of your most intimate connections.
If you want to see more resources on love, check out the Relationship Science Labs. The lab uses the Institute of Life Management Science’s research to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Relationship Science Labs today.
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