Having a connection and feeling loved by your partner is essential for any relationship. But some relationships aren’t good for you if they damage your well-being. So, how do you know when you are in a healthy relationship? And how do you identify red flags?
Tamara Caswell works on the stolen lands of the Wadawurrung peoples of the Kulin nation. She is a happily married, cis-gender, white woman, identified as bisexual and polyamorous, a mother, and a specialist counselor.
She supports people from diverse and often intersecting groups within the gender, body, kinship, and sexuality streams. Also, she has a bachelor’s degree in counseling with post-graduate qualifications in the prevention of family violence.
Tamara started her journey into professional counseling after years of supporting marginalized young people in a youth center setting. In her younger days, she was very sporty and active within the community. She used to referee rugby league and play basketball, indoor cricket, and volleyball. Her community service includes being part of a group that raised $ 1.6 million to build a playground for disabled kids, and she helped her husband with the relocation of a local theatre when developers wanted the land it was on for a shopping center.
In this episode hosted by Aditi Kutty, Tamara explained that red flags are something that points you toward an unhealthy relationship that might continue to be abusive. She added that this could be many different things that are mainly about controlling behavior.
Tamara also compared undesirable behavior to abusive behavior. She said that most people have undesirable behaviors at times—you can get angry or emotional, but that doesn’t mean it’s abusive. It just means unlikeable. While abusive behavior can diminish your self-esteem, it’s more towards power and control.
Additionally, she said that recognizing your autonomy as a person and putting boundaries in place can help you continue to be who you are and operate as a fully autonomous person. This can help you become a confident person and know what works for you and what doesn’t.
While there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, you can still identify whether you are in a healthy one by knowing the behaviors you and your partner show. There are always things that both of you can work on, which is why setting boundaries is important. You let your partner know what doesn’t work and what works for you, and you can take care of yourself.
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