When one experiences a fallback, one tends to either become defensive and blame others or berate yourself. None of which is helpful. In this episode, Marc Brackett shared how self-compassion can help you thrive and maintain your well-being.
Marc is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor at the Child Study Center at Yale University. His research focuses on the role of emotional intelligence in learning, decision-making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance.
He has published over 150 scholarly articles, received numerous awards, and is featured regularly in popular media outlets such as the New York Times, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, and The Today Show.
Marc serves on a number of boards, including the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), the nonprofit that founded the field of social and emotional learning (SEL). He is also the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to SEL that has been adopted by over 3,000 public, independent, and charter schools across the United States and in 27 other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain.
The conversation started with defining what well-being is and its four parts: physical, social, emotional, and workplace.
According to Marc, well-being is not about happiness. People tend to associate well-being with constantly being happy or striving to find a way to experience the high positive feeling, which drives that person to toxic positivity. The pressure to always make people happy is very problematic. We need to normalize and endorse the notion that happiness is not always the case in our lives and that being not okay is perfectly fine.
He explained that self-compassion is about being kind to yourself. In this world we live in, where people tend to compare themselves with others based on what they see on social media, this creates huge emotions of envy and jealousy.
Also, Marc said, self-compassion should be the primary goal of individuals. Instead of feeling negativity toward others’ successes, people can have ‘Permission to Feel’ and permit themselves to fail, and with that permission, they can permit themselves to forgive and apologize to themselves and to others.
Sometimes you struggle to forgive yourself, but through this, you let yourself grow. You can’t be happy all the time. And having self-compassion is important to one’s well-being.
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