Jill Robin Payne, MA, LPC-S, LCDC: New Year Resolution for a Better Marriage Life | All Together #43

Many couples struggle with communication issues and setting meaningful New Year’s resolutions together. With techniques to improve communication dynamics within relationships, couples can foster understanding and connection while also providing guidance on setting achievable and mutually beneficial goals for the New Year.

Meet Jill Robin Payne

Jill Robin Payne, MA, LPC-S, LCDC, is a licensed professional counselor-supervisor and a licensed chemical dependency counselor who is also certified in equine-assisted psychotherapy (EAGALA). She frequently appears on the radio, commenting on the intersection of current events and social psychology. She has also appeared numerous times on local television, national television, and radio.

During her over 40 years of work experience in the mental health field, she has given numerous lectures and taught college-level behavior modification as an adjunct professor. Her book Bempathy®: Looking through Children’s Eyes to Simplify Communication, on reciprocal communication, is on Amazon, and Bempathy®: Meeting People: It’s Not a Game is coming out soon.

She resides in Houston, Texas, where she maintains a private practice and lives with her husband, Byron. Her son, Taylor, is doing his residency in family medicine.

About the episode

Jill emphasizes the significance of empathy in conversations, a technique she has honed and practiced over 30 years. By engaging in what she terms ‘banter with empathy,’ couples can create a safe environment where they feel comfortable expressing their true selves. This method facilitates deeper understanding and fosters a supportive atmosphere conducive to healthy communication.

A recurring issue that she encounters in her practice is that partners feel unheard of. Many express frustration over their significant other not listening or following through on promises. Jill attributes this to the inherent differences in how men and women process information, recommending a tailored approach to communication that respects these differences.

While communication is crucial, Jill argues that comprehension is key. Understanding your partner’s message and its underlying implications is fundamental to a healthy relationship. She suggests practical strategies like using a whiteboard for visual reminders and ensuring undivided attention during conversations to enhance comprehension and reduce misunderstandings.

As the new year approaches, she encourages couples to view it as an opportunity for renewal and growth. Setting resolutions together can be a powerful way to align your goals and aspirations, strengthening your bond. However, it’s essential to approach these discussions with empathy, understanding, and an open mind to ensure both partners feel heard and valued.

Jill outlines several potential challenges in implementing effective communication and resolutions, such as differing expectations and the lack of a shared language. To overcome these, she recommends starting conversations with compliments, avoiding absolutes like ‘never,’ and focusing on expressing desires positively. This approach can help navigate past frustrations and build a future focused on mutual growth and understanding.

She also suggests that expressing the need for personal space and activities can enhance the relationship’s dynamics. It allows both partners to grow individually and as a couple.

In conclusion

These insights offer a roadmap for couples seeking to strengthen their communication and relationship dynamics. By prioritizing empathy, understanding, and active listening, partners can create a supportive environment where they feel heard and valued. In setting resolutions together, it’s essential to approach discussions with openness and a willingness to adapt, ensuring alignment of goals while respecting individual needs and differences.

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