You might have a long-term goal you’ve always dreamed of. You keep pushing forward no matter the cost, believing that the only path to success is never giving up. Every setback pushes you harder, and every failure signifies that you haven’t tried enough.
Yet, as you continue, physical and mental exhaustion sets in. You feel your body and mind breaking down. Despite this, you refuse to let it go, believing that if you push a little bit harder, you’ll break through. Then, burnout hits. You start to wonder, is endless persistence truly the only path to success? Or is it okay to give up?
While persistence is essential, disengaging from goals is also necessary, especially when they are too costly. This article will explore the concept of goal disengagement, challenge the stigma around giving up, and discuss when to let go of unrealistic goals.
Read more to learn when to give up and the benefits of letting go of unrealistic goals.
Persistence — the ability to resist giving up — is crucial in achieving goals. It helps you acquire skills through constant trial and error. It is no wonder this is often considered the sole path to success.
Yet, pursuing goals is never without challenges. Sometimes, setbacks or circumstances call for a pause. For instance, you’ve been a hard-working employee, pushing yourself to become a successful manager at your dream company. Everything was going great, and your determination made you feel like success was just around the corner.
Then, out of the blue, you fell seriously ill, and you had to take a long break. It’s tough, but you’ve got to take the time you need to recover before getting back into things.
The scenario above exemplifies the very nature of goal pursuit. It is full of hurdles, forcing you to hold back sometimes. In this sense, you don’t need constant persistence but episodic persistence — the ability to halt and resume when the condition improves.
Ultimately, balancing continuous and episodic persistence is the key to successful living. However, when a goal becomes too costly or misaligned with your values, disengaging from it is often best for your well-being.
But what does it mean to disengage from goals?
Wrosch et al. defined goal disengagement as “reduction of effort and relinquishment of commitment.”
It’s important to note that both processes (reducing effort and relinquishing commitment) must go hand in hand. If you give up the effort while maintaining the commitment, you can become distressed. You are still emotionally and mentally tied to the goal but without pursuing any action.
In other words, goal disengagement means completely giving up — practically and emotionally.
Worsch et al.’s Life-Span Development theory argues that knowing which goals to pursue and which to withdraw is vital. That is because life has very time and resources. This strategic choice lets you achieve more meaningful goals and protects you from the harm of pursuing unrealistic goals.
Unfortunately, goal withdrawal is often considered a failure.
Disengagement is not the same as the inability to achieve goals. Instead, it is an adaptive, self-regulatory response to avoid wasting further resources — time, energy, and emotional investment — on a futile pursuit.
Goal disengagement involves knowing when to let go of unrealistic goals and protecting yourself from permanently damaging your well-being. This distinction sets goal disengagement apart from failure.
Despite its benefits, giving up on goals is difficult, especially regarding long-life goals. A big reason for this is the sunk cost fallacy.
Imagine you are a student who has spent three years pursuing medical science. Halfway to your degree, you face financial challenges and burnout due to constant stress. Also, you realize that your passion lies in environmental engineering.
Despite this, you refuse to switch degrees and keep pursuing your current major. You’re afraid to waste all the time, effort, and money you have spent for years.
The scenario above exemplifies the sunk cost fallacy — an inclination to stay in the current direction because of how much you’ve already invested, even if it becomes detrimental overall. People fall into this fallacy to avoid regret.
They’re reluctant to relinquish their unrealistic goals because they don’t want to regret giving up and wasting their efforts. As a result, they’re trapped in an unfulfilled path full of stress and dissatisfaction. Before being drawn into this fallacy, one should learn when to give up on goals.
Read more: Regret: When Crying Over Spilled Milk Can be Beneficial
When faced with adversity, there’s tension between holding on and letting go. Unfortunately, knowing when it’s time to give up on goals is challenging. In fact, Worsch et al. stated that there is no definitive answer to this question.
However, some indicators can guide you. Those signs are:
Furthermore, Life-Span Development theorists have introduced the concept of “developmental deadlines” to help you determine when it may be appropriate to withdraw from certain goals. These deadlines represent specific points in life when pursuing particular objectives becomes less viable.
For example, imagine you are a professional athlete aiming to break the world record. By the age of 35, you’re still far from your goal. Considering the physical limitations as you age, it will be more realistic to withdraw and reengage with another meaningful goal.
In short, developmental deadlines help you decide which goals to pursue as you progress through life’s stages.
As an adaptive process, goal disengagement provides a wide range of benefits. Keep scrolling to learn about the advantages of quitting from unrealistic goals.
Stepping back from unrealistic goals and re-engaging with more realistic and meaningful ones enhance life satisfaction and happiness. By combining these two approaches, you can free up the resources needed to pursue alternative goals and stay focused on objectives that provide a sense of purpose.
Withdrawing from goals enables you to reassess them and ensure they align with your current values and circumstances. This lets you pursue more meaningful dreams while remaining realistic.
Continuing to push toward unattainable goals increases the likelihood of chronic stress and mental health risks. In contrast, shifting focus to more achievable goals renews one’s sense of purpose, boosts positive emotions, and relieves the cycle of overthinking.
Giving up on a goal that once gave you purpose is challenging. Yet, if that goal starts to break you down, letting it go might be the best option. Therefore, follow these actionable and scientific-based practices to ensure successful disengagement.
Journaling is a powerful tool for connecting with your inner thoughts and deepest desires. This practice helps clarify which goals are genuinely important and which may need reevaluation.
To start keeping a goal journal, first define your goals. Write clear and specific goals instead of vague statements. One helpful method for constructing effective goals is the SMART framework, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
These are some questions you can ask yourself when trying to set a goal using this framework:
You can also include key sections in your journal, such as progress tracking, challenges, and actionable steps to evaluate your goals. Finally, set aside a specific time each day or week to update your journal.
Schedule a monthly review to assess your overall progress. Use the WOOP (Wish, Outcome, Obstacles, and Plan) framework to review your progress and align it with your SMART goals. This helps you identify potential obstacles and available resources, allowing you to create an actionable plan.
Here are some simple questions to ask yourself to implement it.
As you reflect on your progress, you can decide whether to persist or step back. Don’t hesitate to let go of ideas that no longer align with your vision or aren’t feasible.
Your assessment can sometimes be misleading. Therefore, seeking a second opinion from trusted peers can help clarify your bias.
Find trustworthy friends who know you deeply. Ask them for feedback on your progress so far. Remember that praise doesn’t always mean good. You need someone willing to see you improve by giving constructive criticism.
Often, you neglect emotional well-being in the pursuit of goals. While it’s normal to experience stress and dissatisfaction through the ongoing process, when it remains unchecked, these can develop into mental health challenges.
One way to resolve this is to practice mindfulness, that is, being present in moment-to-moment experiences. This helps you be fully aware of the emotions that arise during the goal process.
As you move toward your goal, notice every emotion that comes along the way. Feel how these emotions affect your body and mind. If you realize you’ve been consumed by excessive stress and constant frustration, you should step back to protect your emotional well-being.
Nevertheless, noticing emotions and being present is not enough. You need self-compassion, too. This practice helps foster a healthy perspective on goal achievement.
The most popular way to practice self-compassion is by treating yourself like a friend, which means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend. If you face failure in your goals, take a break and return to the task when you feel emotionally ready. The key is to avoid being harsh on yourself.
Read more: Self-compassion: How to be a good friend to yourself?
In a world that often glorifies persistence, you may feel pressured to pursue goals even when they no longer serve your happiness or well-being. This article has shown that letting go can be a wise choice that fosters personal growth and fulfillment.
By viewing goal disengagement as a strategy rather than a failure, you can redefine success on your terms. Take a moment to reflect on your ambitions — are they still aligned with your true desires?
Embrace the courage to step back, knowing true fulfillment lies in pursuing what genuinely matters to you.
If you would like to see more resources on accomplishment, check out the Happiness Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Happiness Science Labs today.
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