Infidelity is a big, significant life event that sometimes feels as if it is the end. However, with the proper recovery and growth strategies outlined in this episode, it can be the beginning of a new, better life.
Dr. Fran Davis has been a licensed psychologist for 30 years. She has a private practice in Massachusetts, USA, specializing in individual and couples therapy, primarily dealing with infidelity. She has also worked for over 3 decades at Harvard Business School as a career coach and taught Psychology at Harvard University.
The discussion kicked off with Dr. Fran’s discussion of infidelity being a form of breach of expectations within a relationship. She discussed that even non-monogamous relationships can suffer from a break of trust that is implicated in infidelity.
The principles of infidelity (that of breaking relationship expectations) can also happen outside of romantic relationships. When people expect a relationship to be one way and find out that it is actually different from what they expected, a breach of trust occurs.
In this spirit, Dr. Fran delivered some valuable insights about the nature of infidelity, how it can hurt relationships, and how it can be mended. She also discussed strategies for addressing hurt in infidelity, and Dr. Fran cautioned listeners about the difference between a cheap apology and a sincere apology. A cheap apology doesn’t address anything and is meant as a platitude. On the other hand, a sincere apology meant putting in a genuine effort to understand her hurt and putting in the work.
Other highlights include the benefits of going to couples therapy, the role of trust in rebuilding trust in a relationship, the importance of forgiveness and how to attain it, and practices that couples can implement to support their relationship throughout these difficult times.
For Dr. Frans, couples should return to the strength that they had in their relationship before the infidelity occurred, to bring it back up. That might include carefully evaluating what is “good” about the relationship, and focusing and even improving on that, to work their way into relationship repair.
For many, infidelity can mean divorce and separation. But for those willing to work their way towards repairing the hurts the breach of trust resulted in, this episode offers scientifically sound and experience-backed advice.
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