Intimacy and connection are vital components of a strong, healthy marriage. While communication and emotional bonding are crucial, the physical aspect of a relationship also plays a significant role.
Chelom Leavitt received her PhD from Penn State and now teaches at Brigham Young University in the School of Family Life. Her research focuses on sexual function and pleasure, and particularly how mindfulness during sexual interactions may benefit the individual and the couple. Chelom is also interested in how women experience the sexual relationship and how they add to the sexual experience.
Sexual mindfulness involves bringing awareness and non-judgmental attention to sexual experiences. It means being fully present during intimate moments, tuning into physical sensations and emotional connections without getting caught up in distracting thoughts or anxieties.
Chelom explains: “Being mindful is typically defined as being aware in the present moment and not being judgmental, instead being curious—why am I feeling the way I’m feeling, what am I feeling? When we’re talking about sexual mindfulness, we’re taking those same sorts of qualities and applying them to sex.”
This practice can help reduce anxiety and self-consciousness that often arise during sex. Instead of getting caught up in performance worries or body image concerns, sexual mindfulness encourages partners to focus on the sensations and connection of the present moment.
While sex serves an obvious biological function for reproduction, its importance in marriage goes far beyond that. Chelom notes that sex is “a mechanism for a couple to strengthen their relationship.”
She explains that during sexual arousal, the body releases oxytocin – often called the “cuddle hormone” or “attachment hormone.” This flood of oxytocin creates feelings of bonding, belonging, and connection between partners.
This powerful bonding effect can help couples overcome daily stresses, conflicts, and disconnection. Sex provides an opportunity to reconnect physically and emotionally, even after difficult days or periods of distance in the relationship.
Cultivating sexual mindfulness offers couples a powerful tool for enhancing intimacy, strengthening their bond, and creating more fulfilling sexual experiences. The benefits of this practice extend beyond the bedroom, positively impacting overall relationship satisfaction and family dynamics. While it requires patience and practice, even small steps toward more mindful intimacy can yield significant rewards for couples.
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