Is My Child a Coward? Reviewing the Research on Bystander Effect on Children Peer-Bullying

Whenever another school bullying case appears in the news, you probably wonder why nobody did anything to help the victim — no teachers, no friends, or even acquaintances. Some just let it be or looked the other way. Only a very tiny percentage are brave enough to step up.

It’s odd to see it since we believe that we should all be helping one another. Then why did no one bother to help?

This is the embodiment of a phenomenon called the ‘Bystander Effect,’ which explains why some people just watch bullying happen instead of stepping up. The bystander effect occurs when individuals are less likely to help in a dire situation if another person is nearby.

Sounds like cowardice, doesn’t it? Don’t assume that just yet. This article will delve deeper into the bystander effect and its manifestations in school bullying situations. And how you can help your children be a little less of a ‘bystander’ and more of a ‘hero’.

Dispelling the myth of cowardice: Understanding the bystander effect

The Bystander Effect is a term coined by John M. Darley & Bibb Latané in 1968. In this pivotal research, they concluded that there are three main reasons behind this phenomenon:

Diffusion of responsibility,
Evaluation apprehension, and
Pluralistic ignorance.

To paint you a picture. Imagine you saw a couple of your classmates throw paper balls at somebody. You wonder whether you should report it. You gaze around the classroom. There are around 20 other students, and they all see it happening.

There are three ways you decide whether to help or not.

First, you might think, ‘Well, there are many others around; one of them probably already did something.’ This thought process is called diffusion of responsibility, where you think maybe somebody else already notified somebody about the situation. Thus, your help is unnecessary.

Second, you could think, ‘What if I read the situation wrong?’ When you read the situation wrong, you fear that you will ridicule yourself and prefer to observe. This thought process is called evaluation apprehension. This is when you fear that you made the wrong judgment and think that stepping in will make you look stupid.

Third, you look around at the 20 classmates who seem to pay no mind to the situation. You start to think, ‘That looks like harassment, but everyone else is doing nothing — could this be the usual, and I’m the only fool here?’ This thought process is called pluralistic ignorance, where you perceive everyone’s ignorance as a sign that the event wasn’t important after all.

Helping is a complex process

So yes, deciding to help is a very complex process. When your children are identified as bystanders, that doesn’t automatically mean it’s a sign of cowardice.

This is also the result of Darley Latané’s original study. In it, they put college students in a room with an individual who will later suddenly experience a seizure. Students who didn’t report immediately displayed signs of nervousness more than those who reported it right away.

Similar to those subjects, your child could be experiencing conflict within themselves. This is further proven by a study on adolescents that found a major reason for one being a bystander is that they didn’t know what to do.

Then why is it that some people are quicker to act? A few factors could affect this process.

Psychological and social factors

Because bystander behavior varies between individuals, your children’s decision could depend on various factors. Understanding each factor is important because it helps put perspective and context on why some people decide to help and some do not. A few common factors are:

Biological factors

Behavior researchers usually want to explore gender differences in certain situations. They also do that in bullying research.

For example, a study concluded that in school physical bullying, boys are more likely to intervene directly. However, girls are more likely to intervene by calling another authority figure to stop the fight without attracting attention to themselves.

These findings highlight the different ways in which boys and girls help a bullying victim. Both genders have different perceptions of the risk of meddling. They differ in ways of weighing the best course of action.

Boys often use physical tactics to intimidate the bully (especially if they are bigger than the bully). Girls are often physically smaller than boys, so their choice of helping is to create a distraction to avoid being found out and targeted.

Psychological factors

Research on bystander effects finds that a few psychological factors consistently predict bystanders to defend victims.

Moral disengagement. This occurs when people think, ‘But they kinda deserve it.’ This belief is based on certain standards that justify wrong behaviors. It’s learned from everyday interactions and allows some people to stand without feeling remorse or guilt at the sight of bullying.
Self-efficacy. Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s beliefs about their ability to be helpful in certain situations. For example, if a student believes that they can stop the bullying (i.e., they are stronger or have more influence than the bully), they are more inclined to intervene.

Social factors

Perceived group norms impact how individuals hesitate to step in. For example, research found that when a student believes that everyone can work together to stop bullying in schools, Almost all students are more inclined to defend the victims as they share a common belief that bullying is bad and should be stopped.

Manifestation in bullying situations

Bystanders play a crucial role in bullying. As discussed in the previous sections, the prevalence of bullying is related to bystander behavior.

For example, bullying is more prevalent in the classroom, where bystanders choose to assist the bully. However, when bystanders take a more active role, bullying incidents decrease. Interventions by bystanders are enough to stop the bullies.

Now, the problem arises when your children choose to ignore the situation. According to a school study in Ethiopia, there are two reasons why bystanders might ignore school bullying:

Fear of being targeted. This fear is especially prevalent in bystanders with low self-efficacy in stopping the bully, especially if the bully is stronger.
Not familiar with the victim. Bystanders are more likely to defend the victim when there is some familiarity between them (i.e., family relative, close friends, or neutral peer).

Those two reasons might seem heartless, but this is where you can help your child. Help your child realize that the situation they fear might not be so scary after all.

How to minimize the bystander effect in children

Because bystanders play a role in school bullying, it’s important to help your children understand that they can make a difference. They must be taught that it is better to step up. Here are a few ways you can instill this belief in your children.

Building empathy in children

Empathy is an individual understanding of others’ emotions or situations.

When you help your children be more empathetic, they easily recognize the signs of bullying, thus react faster and are less likely to choose to become bystanders. Here are things you can do to help your children to become more empathetic:

Start small. Make a habit of reading stories interactively with your children. Engage your children by incorporating voices for the characters and inquiring about their feelings. Learning about others’ perspectives could help them become more empathetic.
Listen attentively. Instead of being angry about them not intervening, ask them about their reason. This could help them sort out their thoughts and take the best action.
Have a hypothetical discussion. If your children dislike the direct approach, try this instead. Pick a topic (e.g., TV shows or recent news). Discuss with your child. Ask them their thoughts. Then, you can provide your thoughts without directly touching the subject.

Teaching assertiveness and confidence

Assertive people are found to show less passive bystander behavior. Here are a few ways you can encourage your children to be more assertive:

Train your children to be more assertive. Start simple by encouraging them to have boundaries and respect them. This will give your children a sense of understanding that they can decide what to do for people who cross their boundaries.
Encourage your children to remain assertive with positive self-talk. Positive self-talk can squash your child’s doubt whenever they second-guess their boundaries. One example of positive self-talk is, “I am proud of myself for defending my friend.”
Put your children in charge sometimes. Your children could practice assertiveness by taking responsibility for their choices. One example is house chores. Let your children pick chores they think they can handle and expect them to take responsibility for them.

Establishing safe ways to intervene

Standing up to a bully has real repercussions for your children if it is done recklessly, such as your children becoming the next target. Hence, it’s important to instill a list of safety alternatives they can do. For example:

Take a deep breath and think. Think about the situation and ask yourself this question. “Can I handle those bullies?” Ponder that for a bit before taking any drastic measures
Use a distraction technique. For example, your children could step loudly to startle the bullies without showing their identity.
Alert the teacher. Your child could run to the nearest teacher or adult figures like other parents available to stop the bullying.

Creating a supportive environment

Research shows that adolescents who experience lots of parental warmth at home tend to openly oppose cyberbullying instead of letting it happen. Being warm to your children doesn’t mean spoiling them. Instead, you’re nurturing empathetic children who are more likely to defend their friends.

Here is how you can do it:

Be involved. This is not actively interfering with their lives. However, it means letting your children know that you are always there for them. Assure your children that you are open to hearing their dilemma.
Respect their boundaries. If your children aren’t willing to share what’s bothering them, don’t force them to.
Inquire about peer-support groups. Ask the school about any peer-support groups they have, and offer them for your children. Let your children know they are supported and there is no judgment for them.

Understanding the role of adults and educators

Bullying predominantly happens in school, so teacher roles are important. Teachers can help in the following ways:

Raise awareness. Provide education about anti-bullying programs that are available at school. Knowledge and understanding can raise awareness that certain behaviors are unacceptable.
Take every report seriously. Take a serious stance whenever someone reports bullying. Serious responses and actions can help children understand their help is appreciated and needed.
Promote peace in the classroom. Promote a harmonious classroom environment where no bullying, even name-calling, is tolerated. Every little bullying could escalate into a bigger one if you let it.

In conclusion

The majority of bullying cases happen at school. Your children might not be the bully or the victim, but they’re not completely innocent either. Being a bystander to a bullying situation means they must think carefully about what to do. This often leads them to do nothing despite not meaning to. This phenomenon is referred to as the Bystander Effect.

Being a bystander doesn’t equate to being a coward. Your children experience a great inner conflict about which action is best.

Your children need to overcome their fear of bullies since it has been proven that disruptions from bystanders could stop the bullying incident. All they need is a little bravery with a safety plan in mind. You could teach your children to let go of their ‘bystander’ role by building their empathy and assertiveness so that they could stand up for what’s right.

Lend your child a hand to guide them to become heroes for their friends in need.

If you would like to see more resources on children’s moral character, check out the Parenting Science Labs. The lab uses the research of the Institute for Life Management Science Labs to produce courses, certifications, podcasts, videos, and other tools. Visit the Parenting Science Labs today.

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Devnet Vicente